(for those of you who read my other blog, I apologize for the repeat post, but wanted to reach a larger audience, as I believe ALL moms have had to deal with this issue.)
I was gone from 2 pm on Monday until 5 pm on Tuesday. That included an overnight. I was on a business trip. Away from home. Without Sam. Let me say that again: WITHOUT SAM.
I was 4 1/2 hours away from home. If something were to happen, an emergency of some sort, I would not be able to be there in time to DO something to fix it. Now, intellectually I KNOW that G is home with Sam each and every day, all day long, and they are FINE...but that's intellectually. Last night while having a panic attack in my hotel room I wasn't thinking with my head...just my broken heart.
I called while they were eating dinner. I called during bathtime. I called at bedtime. G put the phone on speaker and set it down on the dresser while he was rocking Sammy. I told him how much I love him, and how proud we are to be his parents. I sang our nighttime prayers. I told him goodnight in an ugly breaking voice. And Sam went to sleep. He was fine. He went to sleep WITHOUT ME.
Since June 23rd, for the past 6 months, I have not be apart from my son. I have not NOT put him to bed. I have not NOT been there in the middle of the night when he wakes. I have not NOT been lying next to him when he wakes in the morning. And last night, I wasn't there. And this morning, I wasn't there. And he was fine.
I know I should be pleased that my boys did so well without me. But all I can focus on is the "without me" part of that sentence.
When I came home Sam was VERY pleased to see me. I got loads of hugs, back rubs and smooches. He hugged me extra hard when I put him down for bed tonight. In the middle of the night, when he comes into bed, I will inhale the scent of his hair, hold him close, and send a prayer of thanks that I'm with him. I am the luckiest woman in the world: I get to be his mom forever.
And I promise I won't go on another overnight business trip until at least February. I promise baby boy.
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1 comment:
Aww...bless. Sounds like he appreciated you more for missing you. I do that too - sniff my daughter! Funny that. She has her own special smell. She says, "Mum you're sniffing me again!" :)
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