After 2 1/2 wonderful and amazing months with my baby, I returned to work.
FULL TIME. I adjusted my work hours so I would have 2 guaranteed hours with Sam at night before I put him down to bed. But still...that's not enough.
I thought going back to work would be the hardest thing I would ever do in life.
I was wrong.
I actually don't mind it.
I think I'm a better mom because I work outside of the house full time. Sam is at home with daddy and they do great together. I think I'm a better wife/partner to G because I work outside of the house full time as well.
So where is the guilt?
I have GUILT over not having guilt.
I "got over" being at work after the first week. I call home & get updates. G sends me pictures and movies via the phone. I don't really feel like I'm missing anything (other than battles at nap time.) Sam is EXCITED every night to see me; they pick me up at the train station. We have amazing play time each night and a great bedtime routine.
I feel like I SHOULD be miserable and feel overwhelming guilt for not being home with my child. But I guess the intellectual knowledge that this is best for our family (I make more than my husband so it just made sense) has overridden my emotions on this issue.
Are there issues regarding your children or husband that you THINK you should feel guilty about but don't?
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5 comments:
I absolutely identify with your feelings. My husband Doug stays home with our girls and he is a much better stay at home parent than I would be. It took a long time for me to be able to admit that and the admition did not come without guilt... a lot of guilt.
Currently, I am home everyday due to complications with my pregnancy and I miss working. I think I am past the guilt about it most of the time but I will probably feel differently once the new baby is here.
I feel guilt for being a full time working mom. Mostly because my hubby is not the best at helping out and I feel overwhelmed by the time I get home. There is always dinner to cook, clothes to wash, dishes to be cleaned up, homework/studying with the kids, grocery shopping, baths... I feel I can't be the mommy my kids need because I am so BUSY and are not able to just enjoying being with them. I make more money than my hubby and he just was not cut out to be a SAHD. That would have been nice though.
I had a hard time finding a balance when I worked outside the home. Dad was working 60+ hrs and I was putting in at least 50. Our kiddos were growing up and we were missing it. Our oldest started getting into some trouble and we realized that in part was not having anyone to answer to when she got home. Plus she would be graduating in 2 years and my health from the stress was suffering SO...I quit my job. Tifanie told me later that year how glad she was to have me at home when she got home and more involved in her school activities! I am thankful I got my wake up call before it was too late! I did love working and struggled at first with not working but now I just throw all of that into my daily routine. BTW...My hubby makes way more than I could teaching so that is why I quit plus I have WAY more patience with the kids! HEE HEE don't tell him I said so!
I have never had guilt over being a SAHM. Hubby has the degrees and profession to provide for our family. I dropped out of college when I had our first son. I don't provide financially, but I imagine it would cost a ton of money to pay for daycare and afterschool activities for all these years. I never really thought about feeling guilty for not working....but I am definitely the frugal one in the family and I think my budgeting and bargain shopping and penny pinching :) allows me to be home with the kids. Maybe that evens it all out?!? It definitely makes things easier on the wallet if one parent can be home.
Aren't we humans funny? Even when we don't feel guilty we think we should feel guilty. Just because society imposes set ideas on what a 'good Mum' should be doesn't mean that bending the rules to meet your own personal situation is wrong. If it works for you, great! As longer as you are happy, you're husband's happy and your baby - that's the main stuff. Stuff what anyone else thinks. :)
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