Mom the Maid

There are sometime those little things that get to you....maybe they're defining moments, maybe they're just things that really piss you off or maybe they're the things that make you really happy. Yesterday, I was smack dab in the middle of one of these situations.

My husband was doing laundry all day yesterday(he was off of work because of the holiday)...and I do mean ALL DAY, he washed everything in the house and folded it all (he is awesome♥) My youngest, 5, jumped right in...her and daddy loading and unloading the washer and dryer, and folding MOUNDS of clothing (which obviously means my girls have WAAAAY too much clothing) He later asked my 7 year old to help, she went on to say that no one asked her. Being DAD, he gave her the lecture (that I'm sure that we all heard as kids) it went something like this:

Hub: You shouldn't have to be asked , you should just help

Daughter: But I didn't know

Hub: You should KNOW to help out

Daughter: But I don't like to do that kind of stuff

Hub: do you think I enjoy it?

Daughter: Shrugs shoulders...(like obviously cuz you're doing it!duh!)

Hub: (getting mad now....grrrrrr), get over here and help!

Daughter:(frown)...alright DADDY(in that poor me little girl voice)

Hub: We are all a family and need to work together, if we don't do it, who will?

Daughter: MOM

.....ahhhh, so that's where I fit in in the whole scheme of things. I know that in her mind, she wasn't thinking that I'm her maid, but truly when you think of our roles as Mothers ..how do our children see us? Cooks, Therapists, Chauffeurs, Caregivers, Friends, Bug Smasher, Butt Wiper, Gross Thingy Picker Upper, Nose Wiper, Un-clogger for the toilet, Playmate,Protector, Throw Up Cleaner Upper, and Yes...MAID.

Please feel free to let me know what I left out....what roles do you play?

Processing it all

I'm still having trouble blogging about Haiti. I don't know how to wrap my head around the grief. The suffering. The death.
It hits too close to home.

Haiti is like Ethiopia in a lot of ways. It's a very, very poor country with a very rich culture and amazingly loving people. People in Haiti don't ask for our help. They live their lives and raise their children and have a strong faith that sustains them. Like Ethiopia.

So when I see the destruction, when I see the little boys and girls in all the orphanages...when I see all the children who will now end up in orphanages...I see Sam. And it's too much.

So please, skip that cup of coffee at Starbuck's, or that pizza night out...and go here or here, or here.  And help. And then go into your child's bedroom, and inhale his scent, and kiss his cheek, and thank the heavens that he's your baby. And pray that all the babies find their parents, and all the mothers find their little boys.

Rip it off fast...like a bandage

(for those of you who read my other blog, I apologize for the repeat post, but wanted to reach a larger audience, as I believe ALL moms have had to deal with this issue.)

I was gone from 2 pm on Monday until 5 pm on Tuesday. That included an overnight. I was on a business trip. Away from home. Without Sam. Let me say that again: WITHOUT SAM.

I was 4 1/2 hours away from home. If something were to happen, an emergency of some sort, I would not be able to be there in time to DO something to fix it. Now, intellectually I KNOW that G is home with Sam each and every day, all day long, and they are FINE...but that's intellectually. Last night while having a panic attack in my hotel room I wasn't thinking with my head...just my broken heart.

I called while they were eating dinner. I called during bathtime. I called at bedtime. G put the phone on speaker and set it down on the dresser while he was rocking Sammy. I told him how much I love him, and how proud we are to be his parents. I sang our nighttime prayers. I told him goodnight in an ugly breaking voice. And Sam went to sleep. He was fine. He went to sleep WITHOUT ME.

Since June 23rd, for the past 6 months, I have not be apart from my son. I have not NOT put him to bed. I have not NOT been there in the middle of the night when he wakes. I have not NOT been lying next to him when he wakes in the morning. And last night, I wasn't there. And this morning, I wasn't there. And he was fine.

I know I should be pleased that my boys did so well without me. But all I can focus on is the "without me" part of that sentence.

When I came home Sam was VERY pleased to see me. I got loads of hugs, back rubs and smooches. He hugged me extra hard when I put him down for bed tonight.  In the middle of the night, when he comes into bed, I will inhale the scent of his hair, hold him close, and send a prayer of thanks that I'm with him. I am the luckiest woman in the world: I get to be his mom forever.

And I promise I won't go on another overnight business trip until at least February. I promise baby boy.

My New Year's Eve Wish

It goes without saying that 2009 was the best year of my life.  I think this picture says it all.

So here's to all we learned and experienced in 2009: the new friends, new children, and starting on the road to health and balance as HOTmamas.  

My New Year's Eve wish for all of us is an EVEN BETTER 2010!  May the New Year bring you and your family love,  health, happiness and all your heart's delight.

Doing more this holiday season

I'm a busy mom. But I have a home, a job, a husband, food on the table, clothing for my baby, 2 cars...and the list goes on and on.  But many, many moms around the world don't have these things.  They are trapped in the cycle of poverty.  They cannot provide for their children.  I cannot imagine that level of pain, not being able to feed and cloth your children.
But there is a way out of poverty. 
It's called Kiva.  Kiva makes microloans ($25) to individuals around the world.  The recipient of the loan uses the money to purchase inventory to sell (be it food, clothing, etc.)  The recipient improves her life, her family's life, and her community by being a small business owner.  Through local banks, the loans are disbursed and PAID BACK IN FULL to the lender.  YOU are the lender.  YOU can transform a life, a family, a community.
If you are reading this blog, then you have a computer.  If you have a computer, you have $25.  Let's face it, we are all going to spend a lot more than that on holiday gifts for friends and family this year.  We ALL have $25 to give. 
So I encourage you to make a Kiva loan, and maybe even have THAT be your gift to a family member (like Charity: Water or Heifer International.)  Kiva has gift certificates so your family/friends can pick their own project to loan to with YOUR money.  How great is that??

Do you have a favorite world-charity?  How are you working to help others and take the "commercial" out of the holidays this year?

The Rat Race

I get so caught up in trying to do "do it all" that sometimes I forget to stop and smell the roses. My girls are off of school all week this week for Thanksgiving Break. It was so easy on Monday to let them turn on the TV and do whatever they wanted while I tried to catch up on laundry, tidy their rooms, unload the dishwasher etc....while taking care of my 3 month old at the same time. In the afternoon, after getting her TV fix, my 4 year old daughter came up to me and said "mommy I just want to snuggle with YOU". Stop me in my tracks! All of the other stuff will be there...the dirty dishes, the dirty laundry and everything will be there tomorrow, next week, next year....but my 4 year old won't always be 4 . I decided to STOP what I was doing and snuggle with my daughter on the couch and read books...BOY OH BOY was it hard! hard to not go thru the mail that was on the counter, hard not to run to the dryer when the buzzer went off (my gosh, the clothes will be wrinkled), hard not to load that dishwasher....but WELL worth it! I think that I had forgotten that my kids enjoy spending time with me, reading books, playing games and just hanging out together. We have been baking for the last 2 nights as well (per their request) :Pretzel Bark, Quick and Easy Banana Bread and their own concoction of Grandparents Day snack MIX which is absolutely delicious! (I will post the recipes on Foodie Friday) My girls and I are enjoying ourselves this week and I now realize that they don't care about how the house looks or how cluttered the counters are, they care about spending quality time with ME!

How hard is it for you to ignore the day to day chaos and spend times with your kids?
Do you have specific days that you do housework so that you have time planned with your family?

To Eat or Not to Eat Meat

A little about ME,

When I was in high school , I made the choice to become vegetarian. My mother told me that you "HAD" to eat meat in order to get protein and that I wouldn't be healthy if I didn't. She told me that as a little girl I would only eat the bun, onions, pickle and ketchup on the McDonald's Cheeseburgers she would get me and that at around age 7 , I started asking for the hamburgers without the meat. I think she actually ordered it without meat for me once and it took them an extra 10 minutes to make one without meat, plus they all thought we were nuts and thus it embarrassed her. That was the end of that.

So as a teen, I decided to stop eating meat all together, no more chicken strips and no more lunch meat.....but mom politely told me "as long as you live in my house , you will eat meat". This made for the FUN high school years, fighting about food amongst all of the other things that teenage girls and their mothers argue about. College life was easier as I could eat what I wanted, since I was away from home, although it was usually processed food or my wonderful sandwiches made of Bread, Ranch Dressing, Cheese, Lettuce and Tomatoes. I lived on these sandwiches as well as Macaroni and Cheese, Baked Potatoes and Salad Bar items. I was not a healthy eater by any means, but I didn't have to chew any parts of an animal and that was fine by me!

Flash forward 20 years, I still don't like to look at meat nor touch it! Frankly, I don't like to CHEW meat. I was lucky enough to marry someone who understood me and would make it for himself. We have 3 children now and my DD 7 has claimed that she is a VEGETARIAN and will not eat baby chicks or anything else meat related nor will she eat beans, thus THE BIG PROBLEM, she needs protein in some form. My DD 4 LOVES all chicken and by chicken I mean "chicken is chicken" and "hot dogs are chicken" Turkey is chicken" and even "steak is chicken", she is her fathers daughter and that is fine with me. My 3 month old? too early to tell. What is interesting is that with each of my pregnancies I CRAVED meat, hamburgers,chicken, etc......and it didn't make me sick at all, they say my body must have needed it at the time. I didn't feel bad about eating meat during my pregnancies and just chalked it up as being a FLEXITARIAN. (being mostly vegetarian but eating meat when I wanted to or out of convenience)

So today, I stay away from meat completely. My husband and youngest daughter are true carnivores and my oldest is a self proclaimed vegetarian at the age of 7. I fed my daughter everything as a baby and toddler , as not to influence her one way or the other and now she is making a choice not to eat meat.I accept her decision and I will continue to help her make healthy choices from all of the food groups and make sure that she gets all of the nutrients she needs.

Is your household vegetarian, vegan or flexitarian? Is there also a meat eater, if so how do you balance it all?

Product review: baby wearing/baby carriers

Zenful Mommy and Sam's Mom both have little ones we "wear." Baby wearing is a wonderful way to bond with your child, while keeping you hands free to GET STUFF DONE. Sam's Mom primarily does baby wearing in grocery stores/errands, and outside walks. Sam also loves to be in the carrier when he's super-fussy; being close, feeling mama's heartbeat seems to calm him. Zenful Mommy is a SAHM and without babycarring, would NOT be able to get cooking/cleaning/laundry and everything else done. We have each tried a myriad of carriers over the last few months, and want to share our favorites with you.

MAYA WRAP

Description: the Maya wrap is a long (6 foot) piece of light-weight fabric, secured with D rings. It is an over-one-shoulder sling wrap and adjusts for newborns to toddlers (up to 35 lbs.) You can hold baby in many different poses, and even breast-feed while wearing baby. It's quite versatle and, depending upon the style you purchase, has padding on the shoulder and a pocket that can hold a diaper, keys, wallet, etc.

Sam's Mom: My Maya wrap is the newer version with a padded shoulder and large zippered pocket.  I really like it.  It took me a bit to get used to the D rings, but I find they are VERY secure (a worry at first) and allow for a total custom fit.  Sam likes the hip hold the best, but also the front hold (if he's fussy.)  When he was smaller we used the cradle hold and he would fall asleep in the carrier.  It was a god-send while we were in Ethiopia!

Zenful Mommy: My Maya wrap is actually a discontinued version and is more like the Hotsling(see below). I LOVE LOVE this sling. I ordered the wrap after my daughter was diagnosed with Reflux at less than a week old and basically had to be kept in an upright position 24 hours a day. This sling was my SAVIOUR and was really easy to use. I was able to order the wrap in a size (S,M,L) which fit my frame perfect! There were buttons if I needed to make it a little tighter or make any slight adjustments. I use this for my 3rd baby now, its great for infants and especially easy to put on as well as to insert the baby or toddler. Toddlers can sit on your hip and see what going on and you can still have free hands. It is also great for nursing and does provide slight coverage.As I mentioned, my Maya Wrap is a version that is no longer available but I absolutely LOVE it and still use it to this day. MY ALL TIME FAV!

HOTSLING

Description: Hotslings are a continuous piece of slightly stretchy fabric, sewn in a circular shape. You fold the fabric in half, and baby fits in between the 2 sides, just like in the Maya Wrap. It's also an over-one-shoulder sling wrap and can be used for newborns to toddlers (up to 35 lbs.) Again, you can hold baby in many different poses.

Sam's Mom: I LOVE LOVE LOVE this wrap! It's the quickest to put on,  requires very little adjustment, and had the smallest learning curve. I find it very convenient for errands, as I just pop him in when we are at the store.  If he wants out (to ride in a cart, etc.)  It's small and compact and can easily fit into the diaper bag.  It is wide, so provides support across my back to take pressure off the shoulder. It also has a padded rail under Sam's legs, so it's more comfortable for him. He is very secure, and I don't have to worry about re-adjusting him while wearing it. I also love all the patterns available. Mine even has a pocket for keys/cash/credit cards. The pocket is too small for a diaper, but I don't miss that space. It's sleek and stylish and is definitely my favorite of all the carriers we tried.

MOBY

Description: The Moby is a long piece (15 feet) of slightly stretchy fabric. It is tied on and has a lot of position options. It's for newborns to toddlers (up to 35 lbs.) It CAN be difficult to get used to at first, and the tying definitely has a learning-curve.

Sam's Mom: There are loads of You-Tube videos to help you out, but at first I needed the help of my husband to get the hang of it. It's also the most difficult to get Sam into/out of. That being said, it is THE MOST COMFORTABLE because it evenly distributes the weight across both shoulders and your entire back. The fabric is wide, so it doesn't dig into your shoulders. It also covers baby more, so is great for the fall. I can fit Sam in it with or without a jacket/coat. For me, this isn't a grocery/errand kind of wrap, because it's just too complicated to get on. However, it's great for long walks/hiking and longer wearing. It is really, really comfortable, I cannot stress that enough. I have been told by many moms that the more I wear/use it , the faster I'll get (tying it on.)

BABY BJORN

Description: the Baby Bjorn is a structured wrap (think: back-pack for baby.)

Zenful Mommy: Our Baby Bjorn is mostly used by my husband as it looks more masculine for him. It is quite pricey but well worth it. I did try it on a weekend trip but found that it hurt my back and was quite difficult to put the baby in because of all of the snaps and hooks. My husband loves carrying my son in this and says that it does not hurt his back or cause any stress. You can carry babies thru toddlers and they can face you or face outward. We have this for a back up and for when we go out with all of the kids and daddy has the baby while I have the girls.

ERGO

Description: The Ergo is a structured carrier, like the Baby Bjorn.

Zenful Mommy : My Ergo was given to me a couple of weeks ago by a mom who I was talking to after school one day. I was telling her how I had to nurse my son in the bathroom at the school. She proceeded to go to her car and bring me the Ergo baby carrier and told me to try it out. I can NOT say enough good things about this carrier. First of all it is super easy to put on and super easy to put a baby in...but the best WOW factor is that you can nurse and snap up a little cover over the baby and no one can see! YIPPEE! This means that I can nurse anywhere and anytime and not feel self conscious at all. I would definitely suggest this if you want something that is easy to use from newborn on up and a MUST if you are going to nurse.

If you have any questions about any of the carriers or about our review in general, please contact us.

Do you have a favorite carrier? We'd love to hear about it!

AND

Mommy blues

Although there are hormones at play after you deliver a child, I think many of the emotions are the same for "home-grown" and adoptive moms.  Specifically, the post-baby blues.  For those who deliver, it's often called post-partum depression.  In the adoptive world, it's often called the post-adoption blues.  I understand the physiological reason behind each is different, but I recognize it exists for both types of moms. 
Why?  Because I have it.
Of course, I am elated to have Sammy home.  He is the single best thing that has ever happened to me.  He is my center, he is literally my sun and I am pulled to him with a force greater than gravity.  But there is something about the finality of the adoption, and the prospect of caring for this little package of perfection than seems overwhelming and incomprehensible.  I find myself barely having the energy for work during the day and Sam at night.  I find myself having little to no concentration.  I'm not doing the things I used to enjoy.  I'm sad, a lot, especially when I'm not with Sam.  I'm not taking care of myself.  Most weekends it's 12 noon before I even change out of PJs and forget about taking a shower.  I am consumed with Sam, but have no energy for anything else.  I know this happens to a lot of moms during the first few months because I've talked to them about it.
I feel helpless at times.  I feel overwhelmed.  I know being the sole income now (G is a SAHD) is also adding to my feelings of stress and anxiety.
I feel like I should just "snap out of it" but understand its more complex.
So, I have taken the drastic step of seeing a shrink.  And you know what?  Its really helping.  Don't get me wrong, he wasn't able to give me a "magically all better" pill, despite my begging and pleading.  But he is able to make me understand I'm not alone and THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL and many, many mommies are feeling the same way.
I need to take more me time.  I need to get back into regular meditation and yoga to reduce my stress.  I need to get back into exercise to increase my endorphines.  And I need to not be so hard on myself.

What have you done/what are you doing to help you with the emotional rollercoaster of being a mom?

Date night Conundrum

My husband and I haven’t had a date night in, gosh, well over 4 months. Intellectually, I know that is wrong: we need to, we MUST make time for our relationship. I know our dinners at home and snuggle time on the couch watching a movie after our 13 month old is asleep just isn’t cutting it. We need time, out of the house, alone together. We need a movie night, or a dinner out, or a walk in the park…something. I understand this in my head, but not in my heart.



We just returned from Ethiopia will our little guy 3 months ago. So, in many ways, we are still getting to know each other, discover each other, learn about each other. It’s like we have a 3 month old, instead of a 13 month old. He still cuddles all the time, wants to be held for bottles, needs constant reassurance, and sleeps in our room at night (he has transitioned into the pack-n-play, but it’s on the bassinet setting so he can reach out and touch me.)


I just cannot image leaving Sam. Not for a couple of hours. It’s not a babysitter/stranger thing. My mother-in-law has offered many times. Sam loves his grandma and she is amazing with him. That’s not it. It’s the act of LEAVING that has me stopped, dead in my tracks.


I do understand this isn’t just an “adoption” thing or a “home 3 months” thing. I know many, many moms who have this problem: some have newborns, some have toddlers, some have school aged kids. For whatever reason, I don’t think dads have this same problem, this pull towards their children, this need to be close all the time.


So, as I understand that G and I need a date night, I cannot bring myself to actually follow through.  What’s the solution? Maybe a date “afternoon” on a weekend? Maybe I could handle that. Maybe it’s the thought of him going to bed that’s hard. I’m not sure how I’m going to fix this. But I am DETERMINED to find a way.


How are you making time for your marriage?

Who am I?

As I sit this morning and watch my son "discover" everything(he is 9 weeks old)and figure out who he is, I ask my self WHO AM I? Sometimes, ok ..all the time...we as parents get lost in the shuffle, doing day to day tasks for everyone else and not taking the time for ourselves. As my husband came in last night and kissed the girls and picked up our son, I was the last to be greeted. It is not intentional, it is just the way it is right now as I am a "MOM". Another mom told me the other day, "you will always be last from now on, thats what happens when you become a mom". Let me tell you sister, NO WAY! I am a wife, mom,daughter, friend, sister, cousin, cook, housekeeper, accountant, chauffeur, therapist(although not licensed)and the list goes on, but before any of this, I was ME! Me,the woman that loves to exercise and cook healthy meals(which I haven't done in ages), loves playing my guitar and taking pictures, loves hiking in the dunes, watching old movies and spending time with my girlfriends (all of which I would feel guilty for now), a happy, upbeat person full of energy. This is starting to sound like a personal ad but you get the point. So today October 1st, I am finding the old ME, I am taking the time to do the things I love , one thing, one day at a time. What can you do to reclaim yourself?

Today I did 30 minutes of Cardio and actually sat and ate breakfast!