Going Veg

I used to be vegetarian.  I kept it up religiously for 8 months once, and then 9 months after a break of about 1 year.  I was good: tofu, eggs, dairy, beans for protein.  But I'd fallen off the wagon for about 1 year again.  Now I'm back on, and really committed. 

You see, for me eating veg is eating healthy.  I don't eat prepared (ie: frozen food section) veg protein patties (high in sat. fats), I don't eat gobs of cheese pizza or grilled cheese sandwiches, or other similarly fatty foods.  When I'm veg I'm hard core.

They say it takes 28 days to make a habit and 90 days to break it.  I've been completely veg (no fish) for 7 days now.  I was semi (just a bit of fish and one meal w/ turkey) for about 28 days prior. The first week is always the toughest and I feel like I'm really on track now.  Hard because my husband is a chef, and makes lovely pork & veal meatloaf, roast chicken and Italian sausage regularly...but after 1 week, I must admit the thought of those foods make my stomach turn.

My fridge is stocked w/ eggs, low-fat dairy, and tofu.  My pantry is stocked with dried and canned beans and quinoa (a grain high in protein.)  I even have veg chili (tofu &  red beans) for lunches.

I must say, I FEEL better when veg.  Not necessarily thinner or anything like that, just better.  Like my insides are getting clean.

I'm pretty proud of myself, making this commitment.  I hope to keep this habit FOR LIFE this time.

Have you recently made any dietary changes that make you feel GOOD on the inside?

Food diary, week 2

Not to worry; I don't plan on using my journey on Calorie King as permanent filler for Wellness Wednesday, but I do want to talk about a few more aspects of the program. 

Food diaries. 
Now, you could do this on your own, or in any other program.  My mom used to do this for a weight loss group she was in, back in the 80s.  I have found the food diary the hardest and most useful part of this program.  Writing down every single thing that passes your lips in quite powerful.  It makes you accountable, and if you're like me its a real shock to see what you consume in a 24 hour period.  The calories and nutrients are calculated by the program, so you just have to log the food and drink.  I was amazed by the calories in a simple sandwich, salad or soup out at a restaurant: SERIOUS hidden calories!  By being accountable for my calorie intake, I'm getting educated and am making educated choices on the foods I eat and beverages I drink.  Even after just 2 weeks, I'm looking into getting the most fiber, the healthiest carbs and fat, the "right" protein. 
Being conscious of what's going into my body is also making me conscious of what's going into my son's body.  In the end, this journey to health and fitness will not only benefit me, and set an example for my son, but it will also MAKE me feed him the most wholesome food possible.  And that's a pretty terrific thing, if you ask me.

How conscious are you of the foods you eat and feed your children?

Doing it for ME

A bit late on today's posting...but better late than never, right?

I have been so frustrated with my health/lifestyle lately.  I WANT to make positive changes, but I cannot seem to stick with them.  I WANT to eat healthy but feel I'm sabatoged by fast food and my husband's cooking.  I WANT to exercise, but I tend to blame the early darkness and the lack of energy to get up at 5 am.  I guess that means I don't WANT it badly enough.

So drastic times call for drastic measures.  Last week, I joined Calorie King, which is an online tool & community to promote and help you STICK with a healthy lifestyle leading to weight loss and weight management.  It IS calorie counting, but you don't do it...the computer does.  You have to be 100% honest and log every single morsel that passes your lips.  Every single one.  It then calculates your calorie intake for the day, and logs & graphs your nutritional intake as well.  Based upon your current weight, and how active of a lifestyle you lead, it calculates how many NET calories** you need a day to lose a healthy 1-2 lbs/week.
** NET calories are the calories you intake, minus the calories you burn through exercise. 

Calorie King promotes "incidental" exercise.  This is the exercise you don't know your doing.  Not running, not going to the gym.  But parking your car in a far-away space and walking through the parking lot to the store; taking the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator; walking the long way around the office to the bathroom; dancing at night w/ your child; pacing while on the phone, etc. etc.
For now, I need to take in around 1730 cals/day to lose weight.  Once I start exercising more (ie: gym) I'll need to take in about 150 more/day (if I go to the gym 3-4 times a week.)  I've found it's actually HARD to eat enough calories when you are watching them, spacing out your meals, and eating healthy foods.  For example, the leafy greens recipe I posted on Friday fills me up a lot more than bread or white rice would.  Come 8 pm at night, I've found I HAVE to eat something (fruit, yogert, popcorn) just to get enough cals in per day.
The site also has support groups to join, based upon how much weight you are trying to lose (decade club, century club, etc.) and age (silver club, golden club) and lifestyle (SAHM club, working moms club), etc.

The moral of this story: I think I've found something that will work for ME.  And I'm doing this for ME for the first time.  Not to look good in a particular outfit.  Not to be "skinny."  Not for low self-esteem or a myriad of other reasons.  But for ME.  And I think that's pretty great.

If you are trying to get healthy/lose weight what's working or not working for you??

Finding the ME in this holiday season

I'm sure the title of this post sounds odd, especially in light of this recent post.  But work with me a little and you'll see the message I'm trying to convey.
The holidays are stressful and I personally think they are MOST stressful on moms.  We try to make everything perfect for everyone in our lives.  Getting that PERFECT gift, decorating the house JUST SO (and I seriously have trouble keeping my house clean enough to avoid a DCFS investigation...), extra amounts of cooking/baking, finding cute-as-a-button outfits for the kids, trying to ensure those velvet dress pants from last year still fit after Thanksgiving, spending extra time with in-laws and extended family (which is ALWAYS stressful, let alone with this added pressure), and the list goes on and on and on. 
I remember as a child, my mom hid/kept all gifts in the basement.  We had an old (150 yr+ farm house with an unfinished (ie: cinderblock w/ dirt floor) basement.  It was cold and damp.  Mom MADE the majority of our gifts (sewing), but made sure we had a couple store bought ones as well.  Even back then, poor as we were, she went over-board with gifts.  Because my dad ran the farm and routinely worked 18 hour days, it was up to mom to get Christmas organized.  On the evenings leading up to Christmas she would spend hours in the basement at night after we went to bed.  Then Christmas Eve she's spend hours baking: cookies, cakes, sweet rolls, etc.  Come Christmas morning I cannot fathom how exhausted she must have been.  She did EVERYTHING for everyone else, and never took time for herself.  I often wonder if she enjoyed the holidays herself.
As a new mom, I'm committed to find some time for myself this season.  Otherwise, I fear, the stress would prove overwhelming and I wouldn't enjoy the holidays at all.  So what am I doing?  I'm making all gifts.  The time I spend on these gifts is actually ME TIME.  I ENJOY making things for others, but even more, I LOVE the satisfaction of homemade projects and the solitude it takes to complete the projects (usually in the basement where my sewing machine and craft cabinet are.)  It's a peaceful time for me.  I play Christmas music and reflect.  I emerge from the basement renewed and frankly, more sane.

What are you doing to take care of yourself this season?

Bliss for sale

Massage.


Did you KNOW about this magnificent bit of bliss conveniently located at your local nail salon?? At least, it's conveniently located at my local (aka: walking distance) nail salon. Until 3pm on Sunday, I had never had a massage before. Never. Ever. The main reason was, while my RSD was active, I couldn't. With all the surgeries and hardware in my back, no one would touch me, and quite frankly, I don't think it would have been the best of ideas. But I've been in remission for well over a year now, so I thought, WHAT THE HELL??
I paid such a ridiculously low price for 1/2 hour that I gave my masseuse a ridiculous tip (heck, it's the holidays, right??) She did surface work, deep tissue work, heat work, the whole nine yards of massage. She even climbed up on the table to get in a better position to "dig in." She was AMAZING! I've never done hard drugs but I'm guessing this was on par with crack.
I carry all of my stress in my back, so I'll likely need a massage every 2 weeks to receive the greatest benefit. Of course, I'm gonna consider it a medical expense rather than a frivolous beauty expense. Oh, and I think I'm going to call the Pres. and recommend 30 mins, 2x week for all world leaders. I do believe it could be the answer to world peace. I mean, WHO could think about invading a neighboring country, or forming a coup, or testing nukes if they are BLISSED OUT???
What about you...do you get massages?

The Rat Race

I get so caught up in trying to do "do it all" that sometimes I forget to stop and smell the roses. My girls are off of school all week this week for Thanksgiving Break. It was so easy on Monday to let them turn on the TV and do whatever they wanted while I tried to catch up on laundry, tidy their rooms, unload the dishwasher etc....while taking care of my 3 month old at the same time. In the afternoon, after getting her TV fix, my 4 year old daughter came up to me and said "mommy I just want to snuggle with YOU". Stop me in my tracks! All of the other stuff will be there...the dirty dishes, the dirty laundry and everything will be there tomorrow, next week, next year....but my 4 year old won't always be 4 . I decided to STOP what I was doing and snuggle with my daughter on the couch and read books...BOY OH BOY was it hard! hard to not go thru the mail that was on the counter, hard not to run to the dryer when the buzzer went off (my gosh, the clothes will be wrinkled), hard not to load that dishwasher....but WELL worth it! I think that I had forgotten that my kids enjoy spending time with me, reading books, playing games and just hanging out together. We have been baking for the last 2 nights as well (per their request) :Pretzel Bark, Quick and Easy Banana Bread and their own concoction of Grandparents Day snack MIX which is absolutely delicious! (I will post the recipes on Foodie Friday) My girls and I are enjoying ourselves this week and I now realize that they don't care about how the house looks or how cluttered the counters are, they care about spending quality time with ME!

How hard is it for you to ignore the day to day chaos and spend times with your kids?
Do you have specific days that you do housework so that you have time planned with your family?

Twihard with a vengence

We traded off last week: G had a night with the guys at his Alfa Romeo club meeting on Thursday, and I went out to see New Moon on Friday.  G didn't want to go see it with me, which was fine.  I actually went with his best friend because we are now officially "movie buddies" which means that I get a night out once a month to see whatever movie I want to see (G and I don't have the same movie taste.)  And yes, we are working on the whole "date night" G & me thing as well.  Although my MIL is moving to California soon, we have several recommendations locally and one is actually a preschool teacher so I'd have no reservations leaving Sammy with her, assuming he likes her.  Chances are, we'll do a 7:30pm date, so I'll put Sam down to bed before we leave.
But back to ME TIME.
Did I love the film?  No.  Did I like it? YES.  The action was great, the scenery was great, and they did a really nice job taking a very long book and fitting it into a 90 min movie.  YES they had to cut some scenes but I think the scene selection was the best they could have done.  Oh, and let's not forget the miriads of EYE CANDY on the screen.
All-in-all I had a great time, and strengthened my relationship with G's BFF, who has been in our lives since we met (G and Q have been friends for over 20 years and he was the best man at our wedding.)  It was nice to have an evening out, and believe it or not, I was 100% okay leaving both Sam and G.  G and I then spent some QT together on Saturday night, and I actually stayed up until (gasp) 11 pm, so we could have real time together, no just 1 hour after dinner.
We also had fantastic weekend weather, so I got a 6 mile walk in on Sunday, which was fantastic ME TIME.  Sam is a super-duper stroller baby and just sits back and relaxes.  I played some of my favorite music on my phone (without headphones so I could hear my baby) and that really motivated me: on the faster songs I picked up the pace and at one point was even jogging!
I'm really working on this balance thing and think I'm getting the hang of it.  Next up: DATE NIGHTS.
How are you taking time for yourself?

Yoga Chiropractics

Stretching is part of any well-balanced fitness program.  It helps prevent injury.  We know that.  But did you know that stretching is, in and of itself, exercise.  Serious, calorie-burning exercise?  Well it is. It's call YOGA.  In it's truest, most basic form, yoga is a tradition of physical and mental discipline.  Yoga is a calming of the mind through meditation + stretching positions called poses.  Its learning to breath, and moving your body with those breaths.  Believe it or not, there are loads of different ways to breath and each one benefits the body in different ways.  Similarly, each yoga pose benefits the different muscle groups in different ways.  Oh and balance...did I mention the balance?  For an extremely clumsy person like me, yoga is a god-send of balance perfection.  I swear I don't fall down as much as I used to, because I've learned my center of gravity and how to properly hold my posture.

But even if you don't want to meditate or do "hot yoga" at your gym with a bunch of sweaty bodies, you can do yoga.  It sounds intimidating at first, but it isn't.  Like anything else, it takes practice.  You likely already know some yoga poses and don't even know they are poses at all.  This site has a good run-down of basic poses along with pictures.  This blog has daily poses and breathing techniques ... like you are doing a group practice without the group.   

Back to the title of this post: yoga chiropractics.  Sam is quite a toll on my body, especially my back.  I didn't go from a 6 lb baby to a 20 lb baby gradually as birth moms do.  Nope.  I started w/ a 15 pounder.  That was TOUGH.  And it still is, as Sammy likes to be carried, a lot.  I have found some basic yoga stretches completely decompress my spine after a long day with Sammy.  I cannot begin to imagine the chiropractor bills I've saved just by learning and DOING a few simple yoga poses.
Now, I'm green, don't get me wrong.  I need to do yoga more consistently, and I need to branch out on my poses.  I used to do yoga practice at the gym once a week, religiously; but if you read this blog regularly, you'll know I'm afraid to go back to the gym and lose precious time w/ Sammy.  So I do it at home.  And that's OKAY.
The best thing about yoga is that it doesn't require equipment or anything special.  You can do it at home in comfy clothing, or at the office in your desk chair.  Its accessable and attainable.  And you feel the benefits immediately.

Have you ever done yoga or taken a class/bought a video?  Are you interested?  How has yoga helped you?

Guilty pleasures

Guilty pleasures...we all have them.  Those little things that we don't tell many people about.   The safe secrets that aren't harmful but we're a bit embarrassed about.  I personally think guilty pleasures are healthy...its good to have that not-so-typical part of yourself.  It helps balance your life.  My guilty pleasure?  It's not really a secret.  It's more of an obsession.  It's 7 days and 14 hours away.  You guessed it!  Twilight.

Yes, I too am one of those middle aged moms obsessed with the books and movies.  I too fantasize that both Edward and Jacob are in love with little 'ole plain-Jane me.  Why you ask?  Why would an educated working mom be interested in "young adult" novels about vampires? 
Let me explain: I grew up in a painfully small farming and factory town.  Our consolidated high school had less than 400 students TOTAL.  I graduated with 87 others and very few ever left said painfully small town.  I knew from a very young age that reading was my favorite form of escapism and that an education would get ME out of said painfully small town.  So I devoured books.  I spent an unhealthy amount of time at the library.  I wasn't pretty or popular.  I was a geek in the truest sense of the word.  I never took a study hall.  I completed 6 years of math and science.  I had a near perfect GPA.  I took college courses in HS.   I was, GASP! in band on top of all this.  So, needless to say, the boy didn't run to my doorstep.  They didn't even notice me.  Sure, I had boys who were friends, but I don't think they even thought of me as female, let alone desirable.
I have never lost my lust for reading or knowledge.  I usually read about 1-2 books a week.  And one day, I found the Twilight series.  And I once again escaped my normal benign existance and was magically transported back to HS.  But this was a much better experience, because I was Bella Swan.  I was just a typical girl, yet the most beautiful, intelligent and sensitive boy in the school wanted ME.  And the next year, my best friend turned into 6'5" of muscled hotness and wanted ME too.  And I had adventure (be it dangerous and oft-time life-threatening) and mystery and excitement.  Everything I DID NOT have in my own HS experience.
So, I love Twilight.  I've re-read the books too many times.  I bought advanced tickets for New Moon (opens Nov 20th.) 

This is MY guilty pleasure.  What's yours?

Sweet Sweet Slumber

To be healthy, both mentally and physically, we need sleep.  Okay, we ALL know that.  But how many of us moms (both new and seasoned) actually GET enough sleep each night?  I'd place a safe wager it's far too few.
Experts differ on the precise number of hours we need each night, from 6-8.  The bottom line is, we need 6+ hours of solid sleep in order to function at our best.  All of us ensure our children get enough sleep, right?  We fret over naps and early bed times and sleeping late enough in the morning.  We worry about our little ones being overly tired, and our school-aged kids staying awake in class.  But why don't we do the same for ourselves?  I think this is yet another area in our lives where we don't practice what we preach.  Like eating and exercise, we make sure our kids are healthy but put OUR health second (or 3rd, 4th, 5th...)
I know I've felt like a walking zombie since we brought Sam home.  It's been the single toughest part of learning the ropes as a new mom. 
For now, my sleep is directly related to Sam's: if HE isn't sleeping at 2 am, then I'm not.  If HE gets up in the night then I do.  But at the same time, I haven't been taking advantage of his early (7:30-8pm) bedtime.  This week I've been trying to go to bed earlier, to take advantage of that time. 
I do want my evenings to be "G" time, but its not quality time if I'm falling asleep on the couch at 8:30, now is it?  So for the next month, I'm going to go to bed early.  Whether I'm tired or not.  If I'm not tired I'll read in bed until I fall asleep.  But I'll give my body the rest it needs.  After Sammy gets in a more solid sleep pattern, we should both be more alert during the evenings, and THEN we can worry about more "alone" time at night.

Are you getting the sleep your body deserves?  If yes: how do you ensure that?  If no: what steps can you take to increase the amount of quality sleep you get?

Inner HOTmama Pledge

If you read this blog, than you are interested in becoming an InnerHOTmama, or already consider yourself one.  Me, I'm a work in progress.  But I think we ALL need to make some commitments to ourselves, if we are going to continue on this journey together, finding the balance between motherhood and self-identity.  Let's call it the InnerHOTmama pledge.  It will start small, and as more of you contribute ideas, it will grow.
Can you take the pledge with me?

INNER HOTMAMA PLEDGE
I vow:

1.  To love myself for who I am today.
2.  To take some time for myself every day. 
3.  To NOT take the kids to school while wearing PJs. 
4.  To be a good example for my children regarding healthy eating and exercise.
5.  To celebrate my accomplishments as much as I celebrate the accomplishments of my children.
6.  To focus on today, instead of beating myself up for mistakes made yesterday.
7.  To work on my self-confidence/self-esteem.
8.  To have a hobby just for me.

Do you have an idea to add to our pledge?  Can you make these commitments to yourself?

Wellness Wednesday: Exercise your mind

It's just as important to exercise our minds as it is to exercise our bodies.  I think we often overlook this.  I know when I was at home w/ Sammy, as much as I loved our 24/7 time together, I felt like my brain was turning to mush-mush.  I've heard it called "Mommy brain" and other names.  You start to lose short-term memory and it's hard to have "adult" conversations.  At least, this is what happened to me.
When I returned to work, I felt I was reclaiming my brain again.  Don't get me wrong, being a SAH is likely the most challenging job on the planet, and you use your brain constantly, but in a different capacity.  Let's face it, Jack's Big Music Show and the Backyardigans no matter how entertaining, aren't as intellectually stimulating as NOVA.  So what's a mom to do?
READ.
I don't care what.  Redbook to Twilight to a newspaper to a textbook on physics.  Anything but a children's book.  I read on my train commute and it's not only good intellectual time, but great ME time as well.  I personally trade off every-other between an intellectually stimulating book and a good "no-brainer" work of fictions.  (I'm currently re-reading the Twilight series for the 5th time.)  It clears my head from my day at the office, and its a great transition to my time at home w/ DH and Sam.
My husband is a SAH, and tries his best to read during 1 of Sam's naps.  Even if Sam is just down for 30 minutes, that's 30 minutes DH has to himself and 30 minutes of reading.  Sometimes it's a car magazine, sometimes a novel, sometimes news on the web.
I think it's so important that we continue to USE our brains and gain new information (and entertainment.)  It helps balance our lives in so many ways.

What are you doing to exercise your brain today?

The best medicine

When was the last time you laughed?  I mean real, true, hardcore belly laugh, tears streaming down your face, about to fall off your chair and pee yourself laugh?  Chances are you don't do it often enough. 

Studies have shown 2 things about laughter recently:  it IS truly contagious, and it has amazing health benefits.


Laughter is contagious
According to a 2006 study the brain responds to the sound of laughter and preps the muscles in the face to join in the mirth. One of the researches who spear-headed this project, Dr. Sophie Scott, a neuroscientist at the University College London: "We've known for some time that when we are talking to someone, we often mirror their behavior, copying the words they use and mimicking their gestures. Now we've shown that the same appears to apply to laughter, too--at least at the level of the brain."

Health benefits
Laughter has been shown to reduce pain, anxiety and depression.  It triggers endorphines in the brain, which are the "pleasure" drugs our brain produces.  Large scale studies have been completed on "entertainment" therapy finding that patients undergoing painful treatments report less pain and side effects when watching funny TV/videos and laughing out loud in response to the comedy seen.  These studies have been particularly helpful in understanding and lessening painful treatments and side effects in children undergoing cancer treatment.  Additional studies have shown that laughter can be almost as effective in treating depression as many typical and "standard" treatment medications, because of the endorphines and dopamine released in the brain.

As busy HOTmamas, we are stressed out and likely aren't taking time for ourselves as far as our health (ie: diet and exercise.)  We are taking care of EVERYONE ELSE in our lives: husbands, children, parents, friends.  But there is something small we can do for ourselves each and every day: we can laugh, outloud and with gusto and reap the health benefits WE DESERVE!

So, when was the last time you belly laughed?  What prompted this?

I Did It!

Yeah I did it! I went on a date with the hubby and the kids were fine! Anxiety had definitely set in once it was time to leave the kids at the G'parents house but I made it through. Hubby and I were able to check into our hotel and have lunch and a glass of wine at the lobby bar....mind you with no interruptions, no wiping of noses, cutting other peoples food or multiple group trips to the bathroom.We then got to take an hour nap...I think that I could have slept forever! Who knew what a nap could do for your spirits? Maybe I need to make nap time everyday for myself, just to rejuvenate. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner and then went to the opening night of the Joffrey Ballet which was amazing! We slept in late the next morning and enjoyed a nice walk down Michigan avenue...just enjoying each others company. It is so true that Happy Parents = A Happy Home. Take the time for yourself...spend some time alone with your spouse . I love my children dearly and missed them more than I could imagine..I couldn't wait to see their little faces but taking the time to re-connect with my hubby was worth it!

p.s. the picture is of the shoes that I wore for our date, they have been sitting in my closet for over a year! LOVE THEM!

Can you make time to do something with your spouse or significant other at least once a month?

Blog Action Day

Being a HOTmama means having conviction in your beliefs and fighting the good fight.  Both Zenful Mommy and Sam's Mom believe global warming is a topic that needs talking about: a healthy, sustainable planet is important for our children, our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren.  Global warming effects EVERYONE:  it causes excessive hot/dry and cold/wet weather leading to droughts, flooding and other forms of severe weather.  This, in turn causes crop failure, food shortages, a lack of drinkable water, and is harmful to world economies.  As such, it effects ALL moms across the globe. 
But global warming is a world problem we can ALL work to change: and little steps really add up.  We can teach our children, by our example, how to give back to the planet that has given us everything.

Things WE do/ideas for your family:
1.  Always turn off the lights when you leave a room.
2.  Always turn off electronics at night/during the day if no one is at home.
3.  Replacing your lightbulbs with low-energy bulbs.
4.  Turn off the water while brushing your teeth.
5.  Recycle paper/plastic/glass.
6.  Compost.
7.  Use chlorine free disposible diapers or cloth.
8.  Only use the dishwasher/washing machine with a full load.
9.  Wash clothing in warm or cold water instead of hot.
10. Re-fill metal/plastic water bottles instead of purchasing bottled water.

A commitment to MYSELF

Continuing on the road to ditch Ms. Frumpy-Dumpy, I need to make decisions that are HEALTHY and make a commitment to myself to stick to those decision.  I don't want to make lifestyle changes for any reason other than to become more healthy and set good examples for my son.
So, I promise myself:
1.  To take Sam for an evening walk, after work, at least 3x a week.  This will get us out of the house, and get a little extra exercise for me.  It will also allow G about 45 mins-1 hour of alone time those nights, which he despiritely needs & deserves.  Also, take time for longer walks at least once on the weekends.  When it gets too chilly....find an inside track (I hate treadmills.)
2.  To do some stretching/yoga everyday.
3.  To eat healthier. Veggies EVERYDAY.  Less caffeine.  Fast food no more than 3x month.
4.  To NOT weigh myself.  Judge progress on how I feel and the fit of my clothing alone.
5.  To not berate myself if I fail on the above, but instead to try harder the next day/week.

What commitments are you ready to make to yourself to get/stay healthy?

Mommy blues

Although there are hormones at play after you deliver a child, I think many of the emotions are the same for "home-grown" and adoptive moms.  Specifically, the post-baby blues.  For those who deliver, it's often called post-partum depression.  In the adoptive world, it's often called the post-adoption blues.  I understand the physiological reason behind each is different, but I recognize it exists for both types of moms. 
Why?  Because I have it.
Of course, I am elated to have Sammy home.  He is the single best thing that has ever happened to me.  He is my center, he is literally my sun and I am pulled to him with a force greater than gravity.  But there is something about the finality of the adoption, and the prospect of caring for this little package of perfection than seems overwhelming and incomprehensible.  I find myself barely having the energy for work during the day and Sam at night.  I find myself having little to no concentration.  I'm not doing the things I used to enjoy.  I'm sad, a lot, especially when I'm not with Sam.  I'm not taking care of myself.  Most weekends it's 12 noon before I even change out of PJs and forget about taking a shower.  I am consumed with Sam, but have no energy for anything else.  I know this happens to a lot of moms during the first few months because I've talked to them about it.
I feel helpless at times.  I feel overwhelmed.  I know being the sole income now (G is a SAHD) is also adding to my feelings of stress and anxiety.
I feel like I should just "snap out of it" but understand its more complex.
So, I have taken the drastic step of seeing a shrink.  And you know what?  Its really helping.  Don't get me wrong, he wasn't able to give me a "magically all better" pill, despite my begging and pleading.  But he is able to make me understand I'm not alone and THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL and many, many mommies are feeling the same way.
I need to take more me time.  I need to get back into regular meditation and yoga to reduce my stress.  I need to get back into exercise to increase my endorphines.  And I need to not be so hard on myself.

What have you done/what are you doing to help you with the emotional rollercoaster of being a mom?

Essential Ingredients

You may be wondering how we came up with the name for our Blog. Well, is stems from the fact that we needed to re-connect and find our innerselves, reclaim who we are. This takes some looking "inside" some self reflection to remember what our like and dislikes are. Trying to make time for ourselves is a priority as well as spending time with our spouse or significant other. We also wanted to take care of ourselves from the inside out, mentally, physically and spiritually. The word "HOT" has several meanings but the one that strikes us most is physical attractiveness as well as us FEELING attractive on the inside and out. We are both Moms so that explains the MAMA part. Many times we get lost in the shuffle. We want to find our Inner Beauty, put that bounce back in our step and encourage others to do the same ,together finding our InnerHOTmama.

There is a quote from a book I want to share :"It was hard to remember the last time she had gone anywhere without her children, or her husband.Even those few times, she had been with people who knew her as a member of a nuclear family, a role as much a part of her identity as the color of her hair and the shape of her hands. When was the last time she had been someplace where no one knew who she was?" from, The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister

When was the last time you went somewhere where no one knew who you were? How did this make you feel?

What changes, what stays the same

Becoming a parent changes, well, ALMOST EVERYTHING.  But the biggest change I've seen is in my marriage.
Let me start by saying that my marriage is built upon a VERY STRONG FOUNDATION.  G and I have alway prided ourself on our great communication skills:  Talking everything out.  Not shouting during an argument.  Listening to both sides. NEVER going to bed angry.  Kissing after we work out the problem/disagreement.  G and I have always been very physically and verbally affectionate with one another: to this day we hold hands in the car while driving, hold hands in the grocery store, heck we even hold hands while watching TV on the couch.  Basically, I have always been very happy with our relationship.
Some things have changed.  Some things have stayed the same. 
I am STILL very happy with our relationship.  But it has changed.  Now, I'm not so naive to think this wouldn't happen once our baby came home; I know there would be some adjustments in our marriage.  But, our communication has changed.  We are both so tired and frustrated all the time that I fear we take it out on each other.  I'm a control freak when it comes to the baby, and right or wrong often think things should be done MY way because that's the RIGHT way.  Example: I think we should pick the baby up immediately when he cries.  G disagrees.  I think baths should be done a certain way, diaper changes a certain way, meals a certain way, etc.  G is currently a SAHD and I know the pressure must be intense.  But sometimes, I come home from work, and am so mentally spent that it's all I can do to take care of baby for the next few hours before bed, let alone communicate productively with my husband.  Basically, I AM SNIPPY.  There, I admitted it.
I REALLY need to work on this.  As parents we are ALL exhausted.  Whether was are SAHs with multiple kidlets, or working moms.  Raising children is the single hardest job there is.  But I cannot let my marriage suffer.
I MISS long talks w/ G.  I miss snuggling on the couch with an old movie.  I miss date nights.  I miss teenage-esque make-out sessions!  I miss feeling hot and sexy around my husband.  Most days I feel frumpy and fat and why in the world would my darling husband want to be with such a fat slob of a wife?
I HAVE to work on this.  On ME.  On US.  It doesn't matter if I'm not the dress size I would like to be.  I need to realize that my husband still finds me desirable.  He doesn't care if my hair is done, if I'm wearing make-up, heck, if my legs are even shaved.  He wants to spend time with me.  And I want to spend time with him.  I want to ensure our marriage is as strong as it ever was, because that can only make us BETTER co-parents.
So, I VOW to stay up 1 additional hour 2 nights a week for US TIME. 
Doesn't matter if that US TIME is spent walking an NCIS rerun while holding hands on the couch, or talking, or anything else.  Doesn't have to be fancy.  Doesn't have to be anything other than time together.  I deserve this.  G deserves this.  WE deserve this.
How are you making/taking time for your marriage?