Becoming a parent changes, well, ALMOST EVERYTHING. But the biggest change I've seen is in my marriage.
Let me start by saying that my marriage is built upon a VERY STRONG FOUNDATION. G and I have alway prided ourself on our great communication skills: Talking everything out. Not shouting during an argument. Listening to both sides. NEVER going to bed angry. Kissing after we work out the problem/disagreement. G and I have always been very physically and verbally affectionate with one another: to this day we hold hands in the car while driving, hold hands in the grocery store, heck we even hold hands while watching TV on the couch. Basically, I have always been very happy with our relationship.
Some things have changed. Some things have stayed the same.
I am STILL very happy with our relationship. But it has changed. Now, I'm not so naive to think this wouldn't happen once our baby came home; I know there would be some adjustments in our marriage. But, our communication has changed. We are both so tired and frustrated all the time that I fear we take it out on each other. I'm a control freak when it comes to the baby, and right or wrong often think things should be done MY way because that's the RIGHT way. Example: I think we should pick the baby up immediately when he cries. G disagrees. I think baths should be done a certain way, diaper changes a certain way, meals a certain way, etc. G is currently a SAHD and I know the pressure must be intense. But sometimes, I come home from work, and am so mentally spent that it's all I can do to take care of baby for the next few hours before bed, let alone communicate productively with my husband. Basically, I AM SNIPPY. There, I admitted it.
I REALLY need to work on this. As parents we are ALL exhausted. Whether was are SAHs with multiple kidlets, or working moms. Raising children is the single hardest job there is. But I cannot let my marriage suffer.
I MISS long talks w/ G. I miss snuggling on the couch with an old movie. I miss date nights. I miss teenage-esque make-out sessions! I miss feeling hot and sexy around my husband. Most days I feel frumpy and fat and why in the world would my darling husband want to be with such a fat slob of a wife?
I HAVE to work on this. On ME. On US. It doesn't matter if I'm not the dress size I would like to be. I need to realize that my husband still finds me desirable. He doesn't care if my hair is done, if I'm wearing make-up, heck, if my legs are even shaved. He wants to spend time with me. And I want to spend time with him. I want to ensure our marriage is as strong as it ever was, because that can only make us BETTER co-parents.
So, I VOW to stay up 1 additional hour 2 nights a week for US TIME.
Doesn't matter if that US TIME is spent walking an NCIS rerun while holding hands on the couch, or talking, or anything else. Doesn't have to be fancy. Doesn't have to be anything other than time together. I deserve this. G deserves this. WE deserve this.
How are you making/taking time for your marriage?
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3 comments:
Since we got married we have viewed 8pm as OUR TIME. We are very guarded about this, and have made it clear to our kids that they go to bed, or at least stay in their rooms reading quietly after that time. They are NOT to encroach upon our time together unless there is an important issue they need to discuss, are sick, or have an impending danger going on. Our boundaries go up at 8pm BIGTIME, and we find it gives us more closeness, happiness and intimacy. We put our marriage WAY UP THERE because without it, our kids don't have sane and happy parents. I have been accused by other moms of being 'rigid' or of putting our kids behind ourselves, but we are one of the happiest, most connected couples we know. Happy Marriage = Happy Family no matter how you look at it!
WOW, I needed that today... :) It really hit home for me and you are sooo right. We want to start doing a date night once a month. We have not done anything together without the kids in over 5 months. I REALLY need to work on my self esteem and take better care of myself and my needs, I know it will make me happier, my hubby happier and strengthen our relationship.
When Matt and I really want to reconnect, we read a book together. Sometimes every night, sometimes once a week. It is a fun way to get some reading in and some great conversation.
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