Where does the time go?

(arriving home from the hospital)

(a year later)

It seems like just yesterday I was holding my newborn in my arms , staring at him in dis-belief, just as I had done twice before with my girls. Where did the time go? How did he start crawling so quickly? Did he get his 1st tooth earlier than my girls?Is he eating solids sooner?Is he trying to accomplish more sooner than they did in order to catch up with them? How do I have so much love in my heart to love them all equally? Why do I want to cry when my kids get hurt(but can't)?How can my son melt my heart with one little smile? Or make my heart skip a beat with a simple, slobbery kiss? Where did the time go? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was up all night...wanting and needing sleep so desperately? Wasn't it just yesterday when we brought him home and shared him with our family and friends?

Maybe I'm just being sentimental...or over sensitive because I know that he is my last baby. Actually, I think I'm being more appreciative. Thankful that I have 3 healthy and happy children and enjoying each and every moment with them. Sharing my heart and soul with them,being silly with them and having fun with them. Realizing that they are unique individuals, with their own thoughts and desires and their own personalities.May I continue to be Inspired to teach them all that I can and watch them find themselves and encourage them to do so. My job is simply to Nurture them and most of all LOVE them unconditionally.

May the next year be exactly as it should.

Rip it off fast...like a bandage

(for those of you who read my other blog, I apologize for the repeat post, but wanted to reach a larger audience, as I believe ALL moms have had to deal with this issue.)

I was gone from 2 pm on Monday until 5 pm on Tuesday. That included an overnight. I was on a business trip. Away from home. Without Sam. Let me say that again: WITHOUT SAM.

I was 4 1/2 hours away from home. If something were to happen, an emergency of some sort, I would not be able to be there in time to DO something to fix it. Now, intellectually I KNOW that G is home with Sam each and every day, all day long, and they are FINE...but that's intellectually. Last night while having a panic attack in my hotel room I wasn't thinking with my head...just my broken heart.

I called while they were eating dinner. I called during bathtime. I called at bedtime. G put the phone on speaker and set it down on the dresser while he was rocking Sammy. I told him how much I love him, and how proud we are to be his parents. I sang our nighttime prayers. I told him goodnight in an ugly breaking voice. And Sam went to sleep. He was fine. He went to sleep WITHOUT ME.

Since June 23rd, for the past 6 months, I have not be apart from my son. I have not NOT put him to bed. I have not NOT been there in the middle of the night when he wakes. I have not NOT been lying next to him when he wakes in the morning. And last night, I wasn't there. And this morning, I wasn't there. And he was fine.

I know I should be pleased that my boys did so well without me. But all I can focus on is the "without me" part of that sentence.

When I came home Sam was VERY pleased to see me. I got loads of hugs, back rubs and smooches. He hugged me extra hard when I put him down for bed tonight.  In the middle of the night, when he comes into bed, I will inhale the scent of his hair, hold him close, and send a prayer of thanks that I'm with him. I am the luckiest woman in the world: I get to be his mom forever.

And I promise I won't go on another overnight business trip until at least February. I promise baby boy.

My New Year's Eve Wish

It goes without saying that 2009 was the best year of my life.  I think this picture says it all.

So here's to all we learned and experienced in 2009: the new friends, new children, and starting on the road to health and balance as HOTmamas.  

My New Year's Eve wish for all of us is an EVEN BETTER 2010!  May the New Year bring you and your family love,  health, happiness and all your heart's delight.

Holidays

So today's "me Monday" I thought I would make "we Monday". We , as in my family. Every year around Christmas, we take some time out for us. We get a hotel room and spend some quality time together, no phones, no email, no laundry etc.....The kids pick something that they want to do , which this year was a horse and carriage ride, and we make no other plans. We headed for Chicago for the night, rooms are VERY cheap right before Christmas, we paid $99 for the night at the Marriott on Michigan Avenue(they even included American Girl Doll beds in the room). We spent a lot of time talking, holding hands while walking around and just re-connecting as a whole family unit. This time is important for us as my husband usually gets home after the kids are in bed every night. The kids chose our restaurant for dinner , Rosebud on Rush, which they said has the best buttered noodles on earth!(i am not sure how you could ruin buttered noodles but whatever). Anyway, My husband and I enjoyed a nice dinner with our children, got to have a couple of glasses of wine and the girls couldn't have been more excited about their carriage ride, they were Princesses in their Carriage!Now that we are back home, they are already talking about next years trip!

Wishing everyone a joyous Holiday season!

Do you have any special holiday traditions?

The importance of giving

Every year I try and re-inforce the fact that giving to others is so very important. This year, I think my kids finally got it...they got "it".

We had several toys in the basement , New and in Boxes, from Birthdays, Christmas, etc ..that for some reason or another my girls never got around to opening or playing with. It seems as though no matter how many times I ask the Granparents (my kids have 3 sets) NOT to buy them toys, they ignore me and Dive in head first.....So We pulled out ALL of the toys, I think there were about 30 items and put them out on the living room floor. Each of my girls were told to pick 1 toy that they wanted to keep....this was a VERY SLOW process, as they NEEDED all of them but they eventually each chose 1 toy and we packed up the rest. After talking as a family, the kids decided to give the remaining toys to a local orphanage in our area.

My girls have been asking me every day when we are going to take the toys.They are so excited to give them to the kids and to make others' happy. My 7 year old told me that it makes her heart feel good to give her things to kids that need it. She got it.



On a final note, my husband and I didn't want to clean out the kids toys and give them away while they were not home. We feel that it is important for them to be involved in the giving process and to willingly give things to others.

How do you help others less fortunate than you?

Color blind

Note: if you don't know me in "real life" for this posting you should know that we are white parents with a black child adopted from Africa.  With that bit of background, please read on.

Last week, and this is by far not the first time this has happened, I was telling a friend that we are looking into Jamaica and/or another Caribbean country for Sam's brother's adoption. The friend responded "what do you have against white kids?"
WOW. And this is a GOOD friend.
I'm sure I'm not the first IAP to experience this. I'm sure I won't be the last. But it hurts just the same.
I'm sure I don't need to say this to you but WE HAVE NOTHING AGAINST WHITE KIDS. Just like we have no particular preference for black kids. Sam being African is just the way it all worked out. We wanted to parent, and Ethiopia was a good program/good fit for our family at the time. Now that we're home, we want some sort of racial equality in the house, so our next adoption will also be a black child from an African diaspora nation (since we aren't returning to Africa.)
I could say (1) DCFS (state) adoptions in IL are 99.9% African-American children, and chances are better than 50% once the child is in your home, but before the adoption is finalized a birth parent will return and take the child. (2) Private IL adoptions can cost up to $65K and are, for the most part, open so the birth mom/parents are always a part of the child's life, if they so chose. (3) Russian and other "white" European programs are dicey, expensive, require extensive in-country stays, and there are no guarantees as to the health of the child (ie: blind adoption.) (4) we chose not to pursue years of extensive fertility treatments that would likely NOT ever lead to a live pregnancy.
But I shouldn't have to.
People should be excited for us because we are parents and wish to bring a second child into our family. But they aren't always. This makes me very sad. Sad for those would don't "get it." Sad for any discrimination my children will face, not because they are black, per se, but because they don't look like us, and are obviously adopted.
I'm sure my friend didn't mean to "sound" racist, but that's what I "heard."
Have you experienced racism regarding your family structure/children?  Or yourself?

The Rat Race

I get so caught up in trying to do "do it all" that sometimes I forget to stop and smell the roses. My girls are off of school all week this week for Thanksgiving Break. It was so easy on Monday to let them turn on the TV and do whatever they wanted while I tried to catch up on laundry, tidy their rooms, unload the dishwasher etc....while taking care of my 3 month old at the same time. In the afternoon, after getting her TV fix, my 4 year old daughter came up to me and said "mommy I just want to snuggle with YOU". Stop me in my tracks! All of the other stuff will be there...the dirty dishes, the dirty laundry and everything will be there tomorrow, next week, next year....but my 4 year old won't always be 4 . I decided to STOP what I was doing and snuggle with my daughter on the couch and read books...BOY OH BOY was it hard! hard to not go thru the mail that was on the counter, hard not to run to the dryer when the buzzer went off (my gosh, the clothes will be wrinkled), hard not to load that dishwasher....but WELL worth it! I think that I had forgotten that my kids enjoy spending time with me, reading books, playing games and just hanging out together. We have been baking for the last 2 nights as well (per their request) :Pretzel Bark, Quick and Easy Banana Bread and their own concoction of Grandparents Day snack MIX which is absolutely delicious! (I will post the recipes on Foodie Friday) My girls and I are enjoying ourselves this week and I now realize that they don't care about how the house looks or how cluttered the counters are, they care about spending quality time with ME!

How hard is it for you to ignore the day to day chaos and spend times with your kids?
Do you have specific days that you do housework so that you have time planned with your family?

We've Got It

A short post today because I've got 2 kiddos home feeling under the weather. Yes, "we've got IT" whatever "it" is. We've got the FEVER, the RUNNY nose, that all over BLAHHH feeling. My 7yo Daughter was fever free and feeling well so went of to school this morning. My 4 year old and 13 week old are home with mom today....feeling the blues. Mommy is tired from being up all night and they are winey and clingy....we are snuggling, having hot chocolate and staying in our PJ's all day because being sick isn't fun but we're making the best of it. My daughter just came up to me and said "mommy I am thankful for you"...and that make is all worth it.

What do you do when the kids are home sick?

Sweet Sweet Slumber

To be healthy, both mentally and physically, we need sleep.  Okay, we ALL know that.  But how many of us moms (both new and seasoned) actually GET enough sleep each night?  I'd place a safe wager it's far too few.
Experts differ on the precise number of hours we need each night, from 6-8.  The bottom line is, we need 6+ hours of solid sleep in order to function at our best.  All of us ensure our children get enough sleep, right?  We fret over naps and early bed times and sleeping late enough in the morning.  We worry about our little ones being overly tired, and our school-aged kids staying awake in class.  But why don't we do the same for ourselves?  I think this is yet another area in our lives where we don't practice what we preach.  Like eating and exercise, we make sure our kids are healthy but put OUR health second (or 3rd, 4th, 5th...)
I know I've felt like a walking zombie since we brought Sam home.  It's been the single toughest part of learning the ropes as a new mom. 
For now, my sleep is directly related to Sam's: if HE isn't sleeping at 2 am, then I'm not.  If HE gets up in the night then I do.  But at the same time, I haven't been taking advantage of his early (7:30-8pm) bedtime.  This week I've been trying to go to bed earlier, to take advantage of that time. 
I do want my evenings to be "G" time, but its not quality time if I'm falling asleep on the couch at 8:30, now is it?  So for the next month, I'm going to go to bed early.  Whether I'm tired or not.  If I'm not tired I'll read in bed until I fall asleep.  But I'll give my body the rest it needs.  After Sammy gets in a more solid sleep pattern, we should both be more alert during the evenings, and THEN we can worry about more "alone" time at night.

Are you getting the sleep your body deserves?  If yes: how do you ensure that?  If no: what steps can you take to increase the amount of quality sleep you get?

Inner HOTmama Pledge

If you read this blog, than you are interested in becoming an InnerHOTmama, or already consider yourself one.  Me, I'm a work in progress.  But I think we ALL need to make some commitments to ourselves, if we are going to continue on this journey together, finding the balance between motherhood and self-identity.  Let's call it the InnerHOTmama pledge.  It will start small, and as more of you contribute ideas, it will grow.
Can you take the pledge with me?

INNER HOTMAMA PLEDGE
I vow:

1.  To love myself for who I am today.
2.  To take some time for myself every day. 
3.  To NOT take the kids to school while wearing PJs. 
4.  To be a good example for my children regarding healthy eating and exercise.
5.  To celebrate my accomplishments as much as I celebrate the accomplishments of my children.
6.  To focus on today, instead of beating myself up for mistakes made yesterday.
7.  To work on my self-confidence/self-esteem.
8.  To have a hobby just for me.

Do you have an idea to add to our pledge?  Can you make these commitments to yourself?

To Eat or Not to Eat Meat

A little about ME,

When I was in high school , I made the choice to become vegetarian. My mother told me that you "HAD" to eat meat in order to get protein and that I wouldn't be healthy if I didn't. She told me that as a little girl I would only eat the bun, onions, pickle and ketchup on the McDonald's Cheeseburgers she would get me and that at around age 7 , I started asking for the hamburgers without the meat. I think she actually ordered it without meat for me once and it took them an extra 10 minutes to make one without meat, plus they all thought we were nuts and thus it embarrassed her. That was the end of that.

So as a teen, I decided to stop eating meat all together, no more chicken strips and no more lunch meat.....but mom politely told me "as long as you live in my house , you will eat meat". This made for the FUN high school years, fighting about food amongst all of the other things that teenage girls and their mothers argue about. College life was easier as I could eat what I wanted, since I was away from home, although it was usually processed food or my wonderful sandwiches made of Bread, Ranch Dressing, Cheese, Lettuce and Tomatoes. I lived on these sandwiches as well as Macaroni and Cheese, Baked Potatoes and Salad Bar items. I was not a healthy eater by any means, but I didn't have to chew any parts of an animal and that was fine by me!

Flash forward 20 years, I still don't like to look at meat nor touch it! Frankly, I don't like to CHEW meat. I was lucky enough to marry someone who understood me and would make it for himself. We have 3 children now and my DD 7 has claimed that she is a VEGETARIAN and will not eat baby chicks or anything else meat related nor will she eat beans, thus THE BIG PROBLEM, she needs protein in some form. My DD 4 LOVES all chicken and by chicken I mean "chicken is chicken" and "hot dogs are chicken" Turkey is chicken" and even "steak is chicken", she is her fathers daughter and that is fine with me. My 3 month old? too early to tell. What is interesting is that with each of my pregnancies I CRAVED meat, hamburgers,chicken, etc......and it didn't make me sick at all, they say my body must have needed it at the time. I didn't feel bad about eating meat during my pregnancies and just chalked it up as being a FLEXITARIAN. (being mostly vegetarian but eating meat when I wanted to or out of convenience)

So today, I stay away from meat completely. My husband and youngest daughter are true carnivores and my oldest is a self proclaimed vegetarian at the age of 7. I fed my daughter everything as a baby and toddler , as not to influence her one way or the other and now she is making a choice not to eat meat.I accept her decision and I will continue to help her make healthy choices from all of the food groups and make sure that she gets all of the nutrients she needs.

Is your household vegetarian, vegan or flexitarian? Is there also a meat eater, if so how do you balance it all?

Halloween

Sams Mom and Zenful Mommy spent Halloween together! It was fun to get our families together as well as have some much needed "girl" time . Although the weather was cold and the kids couldn't stay out long, everyone had fun! It was a simple yet memorable night and I hope we make a tradition of it! Just thought we'd share a picture of the littlest ones! Happy Monday everyone!

What did you do for yourself over the weekend?

Girls Night Out

I purchased Miley Cyrus tickets back in...July for a show in Chicago last week. My goal was to surprise my daughter and her best friend by keeping it a secret until the day of the concert. As hard as it was, I made it to the day of the concert. My daughter SCREAMED with excitement when I told her to get dressed so we could go to the concert,she got even more "7 year old crazy girl acting" when we pulled in front of her best friends house to pick her up also. We had 3rd balcony seats and Miley was a dot on the stage but the girls behaved as though we had front row seats. They sang, they danced, they screamed....but most of all my girlfriend and I got to bond with our girls and have a GNO (girls night out)together. At one point during the concert, my daughter looked at me while we were both singing along with Miley and dancing and said "mom, I didn't know that you could have so much fun"...WOW....we need to take time with our kids to have fun together a little more often...play time, silly time, whatever it is..just time together doing something that everyone enjoys! Take time and have a GNO!

What would you enjoy doing with your children?

Rough morning recap

This morning was a pure disaster.  I try to plan ahead to make morning easier in our house (have my lunches & breakfast ready, set the coffee maker, have my outfit and Sam's pre-planned if not already set out, etc.)  but I clearly and utterly failed today. 

Let's recap:
Although I set my alarm last night, I evidently put it in the "off" position, so instead of waking at 6am, I awoke at 7am.  Okay, I can get myself together and make the next train, arriving at work only slightly late.  As an attorney, I don't have firm hours, but try to get to the office at 8 am everyday, so it wouldn't be a big deal.  But while trying to leave the house (my guys drive me to the station, 2 miles away, so they can have the car all day), we couldn't find the keys.  Mind you, we have ONE set of car keys (I know, a big mistake in and of itself.)  We knew Sam had been playing with them last night (again, a mistake on our part), but couldn't figure out where then ended up.  We searched everywhere for about 35 minutes, while arguing with each other (why didn't you take them from him?  Why did you give them to him in the first place?  You MUST have moved them because last I saw they were here!) ...by now I had missed another train.  We FINALLY found them behind a heat register, where Sam had evidently dropped them/hid them; I say this because he was laughing at this point.  The next train wasn't until 9:04, so I had G drive me downtown to work.  Arrrggghhhh!  Although I got into work at 8:55 (no big deal) I proceeded to spill my morning oatmeal on my shirt while stirring it (I use instant packets), had to rinse the shirt to prevent a crusty stain, and now look like a candidate for the annual Ft. Lauderdale Wet T-Shirt Contest.  Thank goodness the shirt is teal blue instead of white!

With small children, do you ever have days like this?  How do you plan your mornings to prevent these debacles?

Product review: baby wearing/baby carriers

Zenful Mommy and Sam's Mom both have little ones we "wear." Baby wearing is a wonderful way to bond with your child, while keeping you hands free to GET STUFF DONE. Sam's Mom primarily does baby wearing in grocery stores/errands, and outside walks. Sam also loves to be in the carrier when he's super-fussy; being close, feeling mama's heartbeat seems to calm him. Zenful Mommy is a SAHM and without babycarring, would NOT be able to get cooking/cleaning/laundry and everything else done. We have each tried a myriad of carriers over the last few months, and want to share our favorites with you.

MAYA WRAP

Description: the Maya wrap is a long (6 foot) piece of light-weight fabric, secured with D rings. It is an over-one-shoulder sling wrap and adjusts for newborns to toddlers (up to 35 lbs.) You can hold baby in many different poses, and even breast-feed while wearing baby. It's quite versatle and, depending upon the style you purchase, has padding on the shoulder and a pocket that can hold a diaper, keys, wallet, etc.

Sam's Mom: My Maya wrap is the newer version with a padded shoulder and large zippered pocket.  I really like it.  It took me a bit to get used to the D rings, but I find they are VERY secure (a worry at first) and allow for a total custom fit.  Sam likes the hip hold the best, but also the front hold (if he's fussy.)  When he was smaller we used the cradle hold and he would fall asleep in the carrier.  It was a god-send while we were in Ethiopia!

Zenful Mommy: My Maya wrap is actually a discontinued version and is more like the Hotsling(see below). I LOVE LOVE this sling. I ordered the wrap after my daughter was diagnosed with Reflux at less than a week old and basically had to be kept in an upright position 24 hours a day. This sling was my SAVIOUR and was really easy to use. I was able to order the wrap in a size (S,M,L) which fit my frame perfect! There were buttons if I needed to make it a little tighter or make any slight adjustments. I use this for my 3rd baby now, its great for infants and especially easy to put on as well as to insert the baby or toddler. Toddlers can sit on your hip and see what going on and you can still have free hands. It is also great for nursing and does provide slight coverage.As I mentioned, my Maya Wrap is a version that is no longer available but I absolutely LOVE it and still use it to this day. MY ALL TIME FAV!

HOTSLING

Description: Hotslings are a continuous piece of slightly stretchy fabric, sewn in a circular shape. You fold the fabric in half, and baby fits in between the 2 sides, just like in the Maya Wrap. It's also an over-one-shoulder sling wrap and can be used for newborns to toddlers (up to 35 lbs.) Again, you can hold baby in many different poses.

Sam's Mom: I LOVE LOVE LOVE this wrap! It's the quickest to put on,  requires very little adjustment, and had the smallest learning curve. I find it very convenient for errands, as I just pop him in when we are at the store.  If he wants out (to ride in a cart, etc.)  It's small and compact and can easily fit into the diaper bag.  It is wide, so provides support across my back to take pressure off the shoulder. It also has a padded rail under Sam's legs, so it's more comfortable for him. He is very secure, and I don't have to worry about re-adjusting him while wearing it. I also love all the patterns available. Mine even has a pocket for keys/cash/credit cards. The pocket is too small for a diaper, but I don't miss that space. It's sleek and stylish and is definitely my favorite of all the carriers we tried.

MOBY

Description: The Moby is a long piece (15 feet) of slightly stretchy fabric. It is tied on and has a lot of position options. It's for newborns to toddlers (up to 35 lbs.) It CAN be difficult to get used to at first, and the tying definitely has a learning-curve.

Sam's Mom: There are loads of You-Tube videos to help you out, but at first I needed the help of my husband to get the hang of it. It's also the most difficult to get Sam into/out of. That being said, it is THE MOST COMFORTABLE because it evenly distributes the weight across both shoulders and your entire back. The fabric is wide, so it doesn't dig into your shoulders. It also covers baby more, so is great for the fall. I can fit Sam in it with or without a jacket/coat. For me, this isn't a grocery/errand kind of wrap, because it's just too complicated to get on. However, it's great for long walks/hiking and longer wearing. It is really, really comfortable, I cannot stress that enough. I have been told by many moms that the more I wear/use it , the faster I'll get (tying it on.)

BABY BJORN

Description: the Baby Bjorn is a structured wrap (think: back-pack for baby.)

Zenful Mommy: Our Baby Bjorn is mostly used by my husband as it looks more masculine for him. It is quite pricey but well worth it. I did try it on a weekend trip but found that it hurt my back and was quite difficult to put the baby in because of all of the snaps and hooks. My husband loves carrying my son in this and says that it does not hurt his back or cause any stress. You can carry babies thru toddlers and they can face you or face outward. We have this for a back up and for when we go out with all of the kids and daddy has the baby while I have the girls.

ERGO

Description: The Ergo is a structured carrier, like the Baby Bjorn.

Zenful Mommy : My Ergo was given to me a couple of weeks ago by a mom who I was talking to after school one day. I was telling her how I had to nurse my son in the bathroom at the school. She proceeded to go to her car and bring me the Ergo baby carrier and told me to try it out. I can NOT say enough good things about this carrier. First of all it is super easy to put on and super easy to put a baby in...but the best WOW factor is that you can nurse and snap up a little cover over the baby and no one can see! YIPPEE! This means that I can nurse anywhere and anytime and not feel self conscious at all. I would definitely suggest this if you want something that is easy to use from newborn on up and a MUST if you are going to nurse.

If you have any questions about any of the carriers or about our review in general, please contact us.

Do you have a favorite carrier? We'd love to hear about it!

AND

I Did It!

Yeah I did it! I went on a date with the hubby and the kids were fine! Anxiety had definitely set in once it was time to leave the kids at the G'parents house but I made it through. Hubby and I were able to check into our hotel and have lunch and a glass of wine at the lobby bar....mind you with no interruptions, no wiping of noses, cutting other peoples food or multiple group trips to the bathroom.We then got to take an hour nap...I think that I could have slept forever! Who knew what a nap could do for your spirits? Maybe I need to make nap time everyday for myself, just to rejuvenate. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner and then went to the opening night of the Joffrey Ballet which was amazing! We slept in late the next morning and enjoyed a nice walk down Michigan avenue...just enjoying each others company. It is so true that Happy Parents = A Happy Home. Take the time for yourself...spend some time alone with your spouse . I love my children dearly and missed them more than I could imagine..I couldn't wait to see their little faces but taking the time to re-connect with my hubby was worth it!

p.s. the picture is of the shoes that I wore for our date, they have been sitting in my closet for over a year! LOVE THEM!

Can you make time to do something with your spouse or significant other at least once a month?

Blog Action Day

Being a HOTmama means having conviction in your beliefs and fighting the good fight.  Both Zenful Mommy and Sam's Mom believe global warming is a topic that needs talking about: a healthy, sustainable planet is important for our children, our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren.  Global warming effects EVERYONE:  it causes excessive hot/dry and cold/wet weather leading to droughts, flooding and other forms of severe weather.  This, in turn causes crop failure, food shortages, a lack of drinkable water, and is harmful to world economies.  As such, it effects ALL moms across the globe. 
But global warming is a world problem we can ALL work to change: and little steps really add up.  We can teach our children, by our example, how to give back to the planet that has given us everything.

Things WE do/ideas for your family:
1.  Always turn off the lights when you leave a room.
2.  Always turn off electronics at night/during the day if no one is at home.
3.  Replacing your lightbulbs with low-energy bulbs.
4.  Turn off the water while brushing your teeth.
5.  Recycle paper/plastic/glass.
6.  Compost.
7.  Use chlorine free disposible diapers or cloth.
8.  Only use the dishwasher/washing machine with a full load.
9.  Wash clothing in warm or cold water instead of hot.
10. Re-fill metal/plastic water bottles instead of purchasing bottled water.

Essential Ingredients

You may be wondering how we came up with the name for our Blog. Well, is stems from the fact that we needed to re-connect and find our innerselves, reclaim who we are. This takes some looking "inside" some self reflection to remember what our like and dislikes are. Trying to make time for ourselves is a priority as well as spending time with our spouse or significant other. We also wanted to take care of ourselves from the inside out, mentally, physically and spiritually. The word "HOT" has several meanings but the one that strikes us most is physical attractiveness as well as us FEELING attractive on the inside and out. We are both Moms so that explains the MAMA part. Many times we get lost in the shuffle. We want to find our Inner Beauty, put that bounce back in our step and encourage others to do the same ,together finding our InnerHOTmama.

There is a quote from a book I want to share :"It was hard to remember the last time she had gone anywhere without her children, or her husband.Even those few times, she had been with people who knew her as a member of a nuclear family, a role as much a part of her identity as the color of her hair and the shape of her hands. When was the last time she had been someplace where no one knew who she was?" from, The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister

When was the last time you went somewhere where no one knew who you were? How did this make you feel?

Date night Conundrum

My husband and I haven’t had a date night in, gosh, well over 4 months. Intellectually, I know that is wrong: we need to, we MUST make time for our relationship. I know our dinners at home and snuggle time on the couch watching a movie after our 13 month old is asleep just isn’t cutting it. We need time, out of the house, alone together. We need a movie night, or a dinner out, or a walk in the park…something. I understand this in my head, but not in my heart.



We just returned from Ethiopia will our little guy 3 months ago. So, in many ways, we are still getting to know each other, discover each other, learn about each other. It’s like we have a 3 month old, instead of a 13 month old. He still cuddles all the time, wants to be held for bottles, needs constant reassurance, and sleeps in our room at night (he has transitioned into the pack-n-play, but it’s on the bassinet setting so he can reach out and touch me.)


I just cannot image leaving Sam. Not for a couple of hours. It’s not a babysitter/stranger thing. My mother-in-law has offered many times. Sam loves his grandma and she is amazing with him. That’s not it. It’s the act of LEAVING that has me stopped, dead in my tracks.


I do understand this isn’t just an “adoption” thing or a “home 3 months” thing. I know many, many moms who have this problem: some have newborns, some have toddlers, some have school aged kids. For whatever reason, I don’t think dads have this same problem, this pull towards their children, this need to be close all the time.


So, as I understand that G and I need a date night, I cannot bring myself to actually follow through.  What’s the solution? Maybe a date “afternoon” on a weekend? Maybe I could handle that. Maybe it’s the thought of him going to bed that’s hard. I’m not sure how I’m going to fix this. But I am DETERMINED to find a way.


How are you making time for your marriage?

The guilt of no guilt

After 2 1/2 wonderful and amazing months with my baby, I returned to work.  

FULL TIME.  I adjusted my work hours so I would have 2 guaranteed hours with Sam at night before I put him down to bed.  But still...that's not enough.

I thought going back to work would be the hardest thing I would ever do in life.

I was wrong.

I actually don't mind it.  

I think I'm a better mom because I work outside of the house full time.  Sam is at home with daddy and they do great together.  I think I'm a better wife/partner to G because I work outside of the house full time as well.

So where is the guilt?   

I have GUILT over not having guilt.  

I "got over" being at work after the first week.  I call home & get updates.  G sends me pictures and movies via the phone.  I don't really feel like I'm missing anything (other than battles at nap time.)  Sam is EXCITED every night to see me; they pick me up at the train station.  We have amazing play time each night and a great bedtime routine.

I feel like I SHOULD be miserable and feel overwhelming guilt for not being home with my child.  But I guess the intellectual knowledge that this is best for our family (I make more than my husband so it just made sense) has overridden my emotions on this issue.

Are there issues regarding your children or husband that you THINK you should feel guilty about but don't?