My husband and I haven’t had a date night in, gosh, well over 4 months. Intellectually, I know that is wrong: we need to, we MUST make time for our relationship. I know our dinners at home and snuggle time on the couch watching a movie after our 13 month old is asleep just isn’t cutting it. We need time, out of the house, alone together. We need a movie night, or a dinner out, or a walk in the park…something. I understand this in my head, but not in my heart.
We just returned from Ethiopia will our little guy 3 months ago. So, in many ways, we are still getting to know each other, discover each other, learn about each other. It’s like we have a 3 month old, instead of a 13 month old. He still cuddles all the time, wants to be held for bottles, needs constant reassurance, and sleeps in our room at night (he has transitioned into the pack-n-play, but it’s on the bassinet setting so he can reach out and touch me.)
I just cannot image leaving Sam. Not for a couple of hours. It’s not a babysitter/stranger thing. My mother-in-law has offered many times. Sam loves his grandma and she is amazing with him. That’s not it. It’s the act of LEAVING that has me stopped, dead in my tracks.
I do understand this isn’t just an “adoption” thing or a “home 3 months” thing. I know many, many moms who have this problem: some have newborns, some have toddlers, some have school aged kids. For whatever reason, I don’t think dads have this same problem, this pull towards their children, this need to be close all the time.
So, as I understand that G and I need a date night, I cannot bring myself to actually follow through. What’s the solution? Maybe a date “afternoon” on a weekend? Maybe I could handle that. Maybe it’s the thought of him going to bed that’s hard. I’m not sure how I’m going to fix this. But I am DETERMINED to find a way.
How are you making time for your marriage?
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6 comments:
How about going out after you put him to bed? Ryan and I did this when the kids were little. It was just easier to leave after they were tucked in for the night. Many times, we just wanted to crash ourselves, but if you schedule the babysitter (or MIL) ahead of time then it MAKES you take the plunge! Even just for a quiet dinner... a little time away does help in BIG ways! Good luck!!
I have the same problem. I don't like it when my daughter goes to bed and I am not there. We have done it once and it was the worst night. I just couldn't enjoy the wedding we were at. We have been TERRIBLE at doing things just the two of us. I have the same problem you do. I don't want to leave Kiya. It is a total Mommy thing. My husband is a great dad and loves her very much but doesn't get my overwhelming desire to not be away from her for long.
I suggest afternoons. We are doing that tomorrow during her nap time. She will be with my in laws. When we are on vacation in CA we have an event at night that is adults only and a friend of mine is going to watch Kiya but after she goes to bed. We have another wine tasting event but it is during an afternoon.
I just wanted to let you know I get ya. Big time. We can do this and I have a feeling it is way harder on us moms than our little ones. Start small with an afternoon and see how it goes.
Right now we try to get some time on the days the kids are in school and he is off for the morning. I never left the kids very often most of the time we took them with us until they were old enough that I didn't worry about leaving them with a sitter. We have never lived close enough to family unless it was an overnight visit. I would say to try an afternoon on the weekend when he can spend his time playing with Grandma for just a few hours. Start small and work your way up as your comfort level allows.
We have done mostly afternoon dates, it is easier on the baby sitter and on the babies. We did one night date when Matt's parents were visiting and had been trained in the nightly ritual and last night we finally trained my parents because we have two events this month that take us out at night. Hopefully all goes well. :)
Do some afternoon dates if you have the opportunity, it is so nice to get out with the one you love.
We have had the same issues, even with being on our 3rd child. I would suggest letting G's mom watch him during an afternoon nap while you guys go out for lunch. Having time together is very important for all of you, Happy Parents = Happy Baby. It does not get any easier and you will miss him terribly but you will have some much needed quality time with your spouse. Also, it will teach your son that when you leave, you return...and this is a much needed lesson for all children, to know that you WILL COME BACK. Wishing you success!
Take a step. Somehow. you. MUST. Tell G to drag you if he must. Whether it is morning, afternoon, evening, or after bedtime routine -- whatever helps you take that step! If needed, start with an hour. And, it is good for Sam! Really it is!!!
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