Last week, and this is by far not the first time this has happened, I was telling a friend that we are looking into Jamaica and/or another Caribbean country for Sam's brother's adoption. The friend responded "what do you have against white kids?"
WOW. And this is a GOOD friend.
I'm sure I'm not the first IAP to experience this. I'm sure I won't be the last. But it hurts just the same.
I'm sure I don't need to say this to you but WE HAVE NOTHING AGAINST WHITE KIDS. Just like we have no particular preference for black kids. Sam being African is just the way it all worked out. We wanted to parent, and Ethiopia was a good program/good fit for our family at the time. Now that we're home, we want some sort of racial equality in the house, so our next adoption will also be a black child from an African diaspora nation (since we aren't returning to Africa.)
I could say (1) DCFS (state) adoptions in IL are 99.9% African-American children, and chances are better than 50% once the child is in your home, but before the adoption is finalized a birth parent will return and take the child. (2) Private IL adoptions can cost up to $65K and are, for the most part, open so the birth mom/parents are always a part of the child's life, if they so chose. (3) Russian and other "white" European programs are dicey, expensive, require extensive in-country stays, and there are no guarantees as to the health of the child (ie: blind adoption.) (4) we chose not to pursue years of extensive fertility treatments that would likely NOT ever lead to a live pregnancy.
But I shouldn't have to.
People should be excited for us because we are parents and wish to bring a second child into our family. But they aren't always. This makes me very sad. Sad for those would don't "get it." Sad for any discrimination my children will face, not because they are black, per se, but because they don't look like us, and are obviously adopted.
I'm sure my friend didn't mean to "sound" racist, but that's what I "heard."
Have you experienced racism regarding your family structure/children? Or yourself?
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It would be so great if everyone could view the world like my children do. They are untainted by labels of race or religion. To them, people are just people. It will be a sad day when they learn words to differentiate between people.
They have never heard that at home, so if they see a blond "white" person and a "black" person standing side by side, they describe them as the one with the yellow hair and the one with the brown hair. Life is so simple and sweet to them.
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