Lately I've been feeling, well FRUMPY.
I think this has been going on since I left for Ethiopia. I took mostly uber-comfy (ie: not cute) clothing in-country. I didn't do my hair or even mess with makeup most days because I was busy trying to find my groove with a 10 month old. My cell phone was dying and I forgot my watch so I never really knew what time it was and subsequently always felt rushed. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that from October '08 -- June '09 I gained approximately 40 lbs of "paper pregnancy" weight. When I lost 55 lbs from January -- July '08 (while training for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer marathon), I threw out all my "fat" clothes, so the pickins were slim for my trip to Ethiopia. I felt fat and BLAH and FRUMPY. I came home with a new child, and continued to feel that way. When I was on maternity leave I routinely didn't get showered/changed out of PJs until around 12 noon. I cancelled several hair appointments because I either didn't have the time or didn't want to spend the money. I continued to eat for convenience, not health. I wasn't getting any exercise: those thoughts of long walks through the forrest preserve with the jogging stroller DID NOT materialize.
Then, I had to go back to work. I had to scramble and find some appropriate clothing THAT FIT, and get my hair done and at least file my nails, and slap on some makeup.
Then, we started this blog and I thought "holy cow Ms. Frumpy-Dumpy! you are asking other mothers to find their inner HOTmama but WHAT are you doing about it??"
So, I have been trying to remember those tips I got when I went for a "make-over" at Bare Minerals last November. I have actually put on eyeliner for 3 days in a row! I have made an effort with my hair (which I'm growing out and HATE but still...) And I'm wearing clothing that FITS. Doesn't matter that it's an entire size LARGER than I was wearing a couple months ago. Doesn't matter that it's about 3 sizes larger than I was wearing this time last year. Clothing that fits ALWAYS looks better than clothing that is too snug.
Which brings me to today.
My hair cooperated, despite the 70% humidity. I put on smokey eyeshadow and a hint of blush and some shear gloss. I dressed in a new pair (thank you Target!) of trousers that I think are pretty hot, and a 3/4 sleeve forrest green top with detailing at the neckline which looks pretty cute. I wore my favorite earrings, and some tri-colored suede pumps. I finished with one of the scarves I got in Ethiopia ... it coordinates well with my fall jacket. I was looking good. I was feeling good. I went to court for some hearings. while walking back to my car, a tall, dark, attractive man looked my way, raised an eyebrow and smiled. I smiled back. I then checked to see if their was food in my teeth/coffee on my jacket/ gum on my shoes or anything else that would have caused his reaction. But there wasn't. He must have JUST BEEN SMILING AT ME. He MUST HAVE BEEN GIVING ME "THE EYE"!!
This is not something that happens to me often, but I must admit it really gave me a much-needed confidence boost today.
What happened this past week to give you a confidence boost??
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
The case for co-sleeping
I'm just going to come out and say it: I AM MAD. I AM FURIOUS. I am sick to death of people judging our parenting.
A little background: G and I brought Sam home from Ethiopia about 3 months ago. So, although he's 13 months old, we have only been parenting him for 3 months. He is happy, healthy, and by all appearances very well-adjusted. He is bonding and attaching nicely. He is developing on target. He is practically perfect in every way (I know, your kids are too) and we just couldn't be more thrilled that we were chosen to parent this little guy.
We are doing what's referred to as "attachment parenting" with Sam. This entails baby-wearing (using a carrier like Moby Wrap or a sling or and Ergo), immediately comforting him when he cries, holding him for bottles, and yes CO-SLEEPING.
From day 1 (in Ethiopia), Sam found a lot of comfort being in bed with us when he woke in the night. It takes a lot less time to settle him down if he is with us, as opposed to putting him back in his crib. He also wakes up less when he rolls over and feels one of us next to him. Sam CRAVES human contact. We ALWAYS start him in the crib at night, but when he wakes around 12 midnight for a bottle, we place him in bed between us, unless he immediately goes back to sleep and is comfortable in his crib. Although Sam has not exhibited a lot of trauma since the adoption, we do understand he has suffered trauma -- he has lost several caregivers since his birth including, most recently, his 3 nannies from the orphanage in Addis Ababa, where he lived for 4 months prior to our arrival. Some children exhibit trauma via eating problems, other through behavioral issues, and some through sleep. Sam exhibits his trauma through sleep: he is a restless sleeper and wakes up multiple times in the night and needs conforting via human touch. He needs to be held and soothed. And we are happy to provide that and demonstrate that we are THERE for him and will always meet his needs.
When I first started writing about co-sleeping on my other blog, I was shocked by how many "closet" co-sleeping families are out there. Although many are in the adoptive parenting world, just as many co-sleep with their "home-grown" children.
I KNOW co-sleeping isn't for every family or every child. But it works for us. In fact, it works for about 80% of the world. In many countries throughout Africa, Asia, South America and Eastern Europe co-sleeping is practiced regularly. It is practiced in part due to necessity: there aren't a lot of beds to go around and/or the children are breast-feeding and it's easier for mom to have the child next to her in bed. It's also practiced as a way to ensure stability and love.
Although I don't prescribe to the Ferber "cry it out" method of sleep training, I know parents who do, and have had success and happy/health children. I don't judge them. In return, I expect them not to judge our personal parenting decisions.
I'm blogging about co-sleeping on ME Mondays because our co-sleeping is just as much about me as it is Sam. It comforts ME to have my baby next to me. It helps ME sleep, knowing he's close by and I can easily soothe him if he wakes/needs a bottle/has a bad dream. I sleep better on co-sleeping nights than on Sam-in-his-crib-and-waking-5-times nights.
What parenting choices have you made that help YOU as much as your child?
A little background: G and I brought Sam home from Ethiopia about 3 months ago. So, although he's 13 months old, we have only been parenting him for 3 months. He is happy, healthy, and by all appearances very well-adjusted. He is bonding and attaching nicely. He is developing on target. He is practically perfect in every way (I know, your kids are too) and we just couldn't be more thrilled that we were chosen to parent this little guy.
We are doing what's referred to as "attachment parenting" with Sam. This entails baby-wearing (using a carrier like Moby Wrap or a sling or and Ergo), immediately comforting him when he cries, holding him for bottles, and yes CO-SLEEPING.
From day 1 (in Ethiopia), Sam found a lot of comfort being in bed with us when he woke in the night. It takes a lot less time to settle him down if he is with us, as opposed to putting him back in his crib. He also wakes up less when he rolls over and feels one of us next to him. Sam CRAVES human contact. We ALWAYS start him in the crib at night, but when he wakes around 12 midnight for a bottle, we place him in bed between us, unless he immediately goes back to sleep and is comfortable in his crib. Although Sam has not exhibited a lot of trauma since the adoption, we do understand he has suffered trauma -- he has lost several caregivers since his birth including, most recently, his 3 nannies from the orphanage in Addis Ababa, where he lived for 4 months prior to our arrival. Some children exhibit trauma via eating problems, other through behavioral issues, and some through sleep. Sam exhibits his trauma through sleep: he is a restless sleeper and wakes up multiple times in the night and needs conforting via human touch. He needs to be held and soothed. And we are happy to provide that and demonstrate that we are THERE for him and will always meet his needs.
When I first started writing about co-sleeping on my other blog, I was shocked by how many "closet" co-sleeping families are out there. Although many are in the adoptive parenting world, just as many co-sleep with their "home-grown" children.
I KNOW co-sleeping isn't for every family or every child. But it works for us. In fact, it works for about 80% of the world. In many countries throughout Africa, Asia, South America and Eastern Europe co-sleeping is practiced regularly. It is practiced in part due to necessity: there aren't a lot of beds to go around and/or the children are breast-feeding and it's easier for mom to have the child next to her in bed. It's also practiced as a way to ensure stability and love.
Although I don't prescribe to the Ferber "cry it out" method of sleep training, I know parents who do, and have had success and happy/health children. I don't judge them. In return, I expect them not to judge our personal parenting decisions.
I'm blogging about co-sleeping on ME Mondays because our co-sleeping is just as much about me as it is Sam. It comforts ME to have my baby next to me. It helps ME sleep, knowing he's close by and I can easily soothe him if he wakes/needs a bottle/has a bad dream. I sleep better on co-sleeping nights than on Sam-in-his-crib-and-waking-5-times nights.
What parenting choices have you made that help YOU as much as your child?
Ask and you shall receive
Whether you are a new mom or a seasoned mom, finding time for yourself is sometimes difficult if not impossible. Between running errands, running the kids to and from their extracurricular activities and taking care of the house...taking care of yourself sometimes gets forgotten. ME Mondays is about taking care of yourself, whether it be mentally, physically or spiritually.
Ask and you shall receive.....I asked my husband to watch the baby for an hour...and he said "Sure, go ahead and go" , that was it. I went and got a much needed pedicure, it had been 3 months at least! What do you need to do for yourself? Do you need an hour to read your favorite book, get a haircut , or maybe just some time to sit outside and enjoy the silence? Whatever it is that you want to do, just ask for the time and do it!
Let us know how you make time for yourself.
Ask and you shall receive.....I asked my husband to watch the baby for an hour...and he said "Sure, go ahead and go" , that was it. I went and got a much needed pedicure, it had been 3 months at least! What do you need to do for yourself? Do you need an hour to read your favorite book, get a haircut , or maybe just some time to sit outside and enjoy the silence? Whatever it is that you want to do, just ask for the time and do it!
Let us know how you make time for yourself.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Sacrifice
We all make sacrifices everyday.Whether it be a sacrifice for a good friend or family member or for your children, we all come to a time in our lives where we must make a sacrifice.Today I went to get a pedicure at the same place I've gone for over a year now. I have gone to the same woman for the last 6 months or so as she and I have kind of figured each other out. She knows when I want to talk and when I need to read or just relax and she respects that and doesn't feel like she needs to make small talk. Today she needed to talk and I listened. Sara (not her real name) told me today that she has a 10 year old daughter in China. She went on to say that she left her daughter 5 years ago with her husband in order to come to America. Sara works 6 days a week from 9am to 7pm and lives all the way on the other side of the world from her daughter and family all in order to be able to send them money. She made this sacrifice in order to provide for her family. What a sacrifice! I know how she must yearn to hug her daughter and spend time with her husband. I cannot imagine being away from my family for that long. She calls them weekly and is able to go home every other year to spend time with her daughter. I told her how strong she is to do what she is doing. The next time you have difficulty making a sacrifice, think about this family, their desire to succeed and their love for one another.
What changes, what stays the same
Becoming a parent changes, well, ALMOST EVERYTHING. But the biggest change I've seen is in my marriage.
Let me start by saying that my marriage is built upon a VERY STRONG FOUNDATION. G and I have alway prided ourself on our great communication skills: Talking everything out. Not shouting during an argument. Listening to both sides. NEVER going to bed angry. Kissing after we work out the problem/disagreement. G and I have always been very physically and verbally affectionate with one another: to this day we hold hands in the car while driving, hold hands in the grocery store, heck we even hold hands while watching TV on the couch. Basically, I have always been very happy with our relationship.
Some things have changed. Some things have stayed the same.
I am STILL very happy with our relationship. But it has changed. Now, I'm not so naive to think this wouldn't happen once our baby came home; I know there would be some adjustments in our marriage. But, our communication has changed. We are both so tired and frustrated all the time that I fear we take it out on each other. I'm a control freak when it comes to the baby, and right or wrong often think things should be done MY way because that's the RIGHT way. Example: I think we should pick the baby up immediately when he cries. G disagrees. I think baths should be done a certain way, diaper changes a certain way, meals a certain way, etc. G is currently a SAHD and I know the pressure must be intense. But sometimes, I come home from work, and am so mentally spent that it's all I can do to take care of baby for the next few hours before bed, let alone communicate productively with my husband. Basically, I AM SNIPPY. There, I admitted it.
I REALLY need to work on this. As parents we are ALL exhausted. Whether was are SAHs with multiple kidlets, or working moms. Raising children is the single hardest job there is. But I cannot let my marriage suffer.
I MISS long talks w/ G. I miss snuggling on the couch with an old movie. I miss date nights. I miss teenage-esque make-out sessions! I miss feeling hot and sexy around my husband. Most days I feel frumpy and fat and why in the world would my darling husband want to be with such a fat slob of a wife?
I HAVE to work on this. On ME. On US. It doesn't matter if I'm not the dress size I would like to be. I need to realize that my husband still finds me desirable. He doesn't care if my hair is done, if I'm wearing make-up, heck, if my legs are even shaved. He wants to spend time with me. And I want to spend time with him. I want to ensure our marriage is as strong as it ever was, because that can only make us BETTER co-parents.
So, I VOW to stay up 1 additional hour 2 nights a week for US TIME.
Doesn't matter if that US TIME is spent walking an NCIS rerun while holding hands on the couch, or talking, or anything else. Doesn't have to be fancy. Doesn't have to be anything other than time together. I deserve this. G deserves this. WE deserve this.
How are you making/taking time for your marriage?
Let me start by saying that my marriage is built upon a VERY STRONG FOUNDATION. G and I have alway prided ourself on our great communication skills: Talking everything out. Not shouting during an argument. Listening to both sides. NEVER going to bed angry. Kissing after we work out the problem/disagreement. G and I have always been very physically and verbally affectionate with one another: to this day we hold hands in the car while driving, hold hands in the grocery store, heck we even hold hands while watching TV on the couch. Basically, I have always been very happy with our relationship.
Some things have changed. Some things have stayed the same.
I am STILL very happy with our relationship. But it has changed. Now, I'm not so naive to think this wouldn't happen once our baby came home; I know there would be some adjustments in our marriage. But, our communication has changed. We are both so tired and frustrated all the time that I fear we take it out on each other. I'm a control freak when it comes to the baby, and right or wrong often think things should be done MY way because that's the RIGHT way. Example: I think we should pick the baby up immediately when he cries. G disagrees. I think baths should be done a certain way, diaper changes a certain way, meals a certain way, etc. G is currently a SAHD and I know the pressure must be intense. But sometimes, I come home from work, and am so mentally spent that it's all I can do to take care of baby for the next few hours before bed, let alone communicate productively with my husband. Basically, I AM SNIPPY. There, I admitted it.
I REALLY need to work on this. As parents we are ALL exhausted. Whether was are SAHs with multiple kidlets, or working moms. Raising children is the single hardest job there is. But I cannot let my marriage suffer.
I MISS long talks w/ G. I miss snuggling on the couch with an old movie. I miss date nights. I miss teenage-esque make-out sessions! I miss feeling hot and sexy around my husband. Most days I feel frumpy and fat and why in the world would my darling husband want to be with such a fat slob of a wife?
I HAVE to work on this. On ME. On US. It doesn't matter if I'm not the dress size I would like to be. I need to realize that my husband still finds me desirable. He doesn't care if my hair is done, if I'm wearing make-up, heck, if my legs are even shaved. He wants to spend time with me. And I want to spend time with him. I want to ensure our marriage is as strong as it ever was, because that can only make us BETTER co-parents.
So, I VOW to stay up 1 additional hour 2 nights a week for US TIME.
Doesn't matter if that US TIME is spent walking an NCIS rerun while holding hands on the couch, or talking, or anything else. Doesn't have to be fancy. Doesn't have to be anything other than time together. I deserve this. G deserves this. WE deserve this.
How are you making/taking time for your marriage?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Who am I?
As I sit this morning and watch my son "discover" everything(he is 9 weeks old)and figure out who he is, I ask my self WHO AM I? Sometimes, ok ..all the time...we as parents get lost in the shuffle, doing day to day tasks for everyone else and not taking the time for ourselves. As my husband came in last night and kissed the girls and picked up our son, I was the last to be greeted. It is not intentional, it is just the way it is right now as I am a "MOM". Another mom told me the other day, "you will always be last from now on, thats what happens when you become a mom". Let me tell you sister, NO WAY! I am a wife, mom,daughter, friend, sister, cousin, cook, housekeeper, accountant, chauffeur, therapist(although not licensed)and the list goes on, but before any of this, I was ME! Me,the woman that loves to exercise and cook healthy meals(which I haven't done in ages), loves playing my guitar and taking pictures, loves hiking in the dunes, watching old movies and spending time with my girlfriends (all of which I would feel guilty for now), a happy, upbeat person full of energy. This is starting to sound like a personal ad but you get the point. So today October 1st, I am finding the old ME, I am taking the time to do the things I love , one thing, one day at a time. What can you do to reclaim yourself?
Today I did 30 minutes of Cardio and actually sat and ate breakfast!
Today I did 30 minutes of Cardio and actually sat and ate breakfast!
Milestones
We all count the milestones for our children. Some have baby books, some scrapbooks, some record in their Blackberry, and some are "old school" like my mom and record on wall calendars. We count first teeth, first words, first steps. I know I've counted all those with my son, even though we've only been together 3 months now. In fact, yesterday he took his first solo steps and I couldn't stop talking about it.
Does any parent lose the glow of those "firsts"? Does any parent get tired of telling stories to family/friends/co-workers/gas station attendants? NO. And we shouldn't. The milestones our children reach are some of the most important moments...for them and for us. It's reassurance that they are developing on-target. It's reassurance (at least for me) that we are good moms, making sure our children sleep enough, have a healthy diet, are happy.
But who is counting OUR milestones? Are you? Do you make a notation when you chose a yogurt instead of chips as a snack? Or when your favorite jeans fit a bit looser around the hips? Or when someone complimented you at the grocery store about your fabulous hair cut/color/style? Do you have a mini-celebration, a GO ME! day when you walk that extra 4 blocks with the baby in the jogging stroller?
These are all VERY important moments. I think oftentimes as moms we lose track of these and downplay their importance. But WE are just as important as our children. In fact, studies show that happy, self-confident parents raise happy, self-confident children. And isn't that what we all want? Our children to be happy with themselves and their lives. To be confident at school. To be comfortable in social situations.
Studies also show that children learn more by observing their parents, than by the audible instructions their parents provide.
Don't get me wrong; we all have bad-hair/feeling fat/cannot find a suitable outfit/drive the kids to school in PJ days. A wise woman once told me, on those days, you have to "fake it 'til you make it." Studies conducted in Japan have shown that laughter decreases stress and releases endorphines into the brain, stimulating our pleasure centers. Basically, sometimes we can force our brains to FEEL happy.
Not all days are going to be GO ME! days. But I think we should celebrate them when they come around. It's good for us, and it's great for our kids to see that kind of self confidence and happiness.
My GO ME! moment this week? I took some of my favorite "sexy" heels, to the "shoe doctor" and got them re-heeled and spiffed up. I haven't worn these in FOREVER because they were looking shabby. Okay, I haven't worn them in forever because frankly it's easier to wear flip-flops to work and change into the SAME pair of shoes at my desk every day. It's easier NOT to expend any effort. But today, as I type this, I'm wearing my lipstick-red croco heels, and I must admit, they make me feel sexy and confident. I'm having a bad hair day. I forgot to iron my sweater. But those heels are making me feel like I could concour the world.
What was GO ME moment this week? Did you stop to soak it in? If not, try to look out for a GO ME moment this weekend. You deserve it!
Does any parent lose the glow of those "firsts"? Does any parent get tired of telling stories to family/friends/co-workers/gas station attendants? NO. And we shouldn't. The milestones our children reach are some of the most important moments...for them and for us. It's reassurance that they are developing on-target. It's reassurance (at least for me) that we are good moms, making sure our children sleep enough, have a healthy diet, are happy.
But who is counting OUR milestones? Are you? Do you make a notation when you chose a yogurt instead of chips as a snack? Or when your favorite jeans fit a bit looser around the hips? Or when someone complimented you at the grocery store about your fabulous hair cut/color/style? Do you have a mini-celebration, a GO ME! day when you walk that extra 4 blocks with the baby in the jogging stroller?
These are all VERY important moments. I think oftentimes as moms we lose track of these and downplay their importance. But WE are just as important as our children. In fact, studies show that happy, self-confident parents raise happy, self-confident children. And isn't that what we all want? Our children to be happy with themselves and their lives. To be confident at school. To be comfortable in social situations.
Studies also show that children learn more by observing their parents, than by the audible instructions their parents provide.
Don't get me wrong; we all have bad-hair/feeling fat/cannot find a suitable outfit/drive the kids to school in PJ days. A wise woman once told me, on those days, you have to "fake it 'til you make it." Studies conducted in Japan have shown that laughter decreases stress and releases endorphines into the brain, stimulating our pleasure centers. Basically, sometimes we can force our brains to FEEL happy.
Not all days are going to be GO ME! days. But I think we should celebrate them when they come around. It's good for us, and it's great for our kids to see that kind of self confidence and happiness.
My GO ME! moment this week? I took some of my favorite "sexy" heels, to the "shoe doctor" and got them re-heeled and spiffed up. I haven't worn these in FOREVER because they were looking shabby. Okay, I haven't worn them in forever because frankly it's easier to wear flip-flops to work and change into the SAME pair of shoes at my desk every day. It's easier NOT to expend any effort. But today, as I type this, I'm wearing my lipstick-red croco heels, and I must admit, they make me feel sexy and confident. I'm having a bad hair day. I forgot to iron my sweater. But those heels are making me feel like I could concour the world.
What was GO ME moment this week? Did you stop to soak it in? If not, try to look out for a GO ME moment this weekend. You deserve it!
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